Feeling Goal-less Part 2

[hufflepuffbruhv]

Yesterday, I wrote about how I often feel Goal-less, that having goals and dreams are useless if they just lead to disappointment. Reading it back, I never thought how much of a defeatist I have become. In retrospect, I think I’ve always been this way.

Self-confidence was never my strongest suit. I always thank people when they compliment me but it never really gave me a boost because my mindset would always go back to thinking, “well yes that was good, but there’s always someone better than me.” And suddenly I am back to feeling low about myself. So why bother setting any type of bar for myself if someone else has already jumped it or, will jump it in a better way?

Because Lent starts tomorrow, I thought I should set at least one goal for the next 40 days; take time to write 1,000 words. Of course not here in this journal. But privately in a meditative manner. At least it will give me a chance to flex my mind and my nascent writing skills. I hope this will at least give me something to look forward too.

[Wings]

There is a line in Max Earman’s “Desiderata,” that goes like this: “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

Even if a person manages to become the best at something, their ability to continue being best is usually very short-lived. The greatest fulfillment is to be the best at being who you are, a unique individual, with a unique set of attributes and challenges.

If someone is jumping the bar in a better way, learn from them. Others have and will continue to learn from you as well, whether you notice it or not.

Early childhood conditioning often leaves us with the impression that being good enough isn’t good enough. However, being good enough is indeed good enough! If you became a really good artist, would you feel low about yourself because you weren’t Vincent van Gogh?

One thing absolutely no one will be better at, is being who you are. Uniqueness is one of our greatest blessings. You bring to the world something that no one else can. Sharing the best of yourself with others is something no one else can do.

That we have varied skills, and are not all good at everything, is part of the plan. It makes it necessary that we work together, each providing skills that others cannot.

No two people’s writing style is exactly the same. Because of that, reading what others write is far more interesting, and can be very inspiring to some people that other forms of writing would not reach.

Have fun with your writing! Don’t push it. Just let it flow.

[Micro]

So why bother setting any type of bar for myself if someone else has already jumped it or, will jump it in a better way?

There’s some comfort in the idea of trying to prove to ourselves that we’re able to do something no one else did, for sure. But the real reward is to learn to own what you do while you’re doing it, because your experience will always be unique. It’s what help you learn to know yourself better, to know your limits but also your qualities, to identify what you’d like to improve and what you feel comfortable with.

For example, in social sciences such as sociology and anthropology, researchers can go interview and spend time with the same group of people, yet the results they’ll produce will be different, even if they follow the same methods. Because it will be the combination of unique circumstances, unique personalities and views - in other words, a unique context. They won’t have the same interactions, they won’t interview the same way, they won’t feel the same comfort/discomfort with those people, they won’t have the same interests and limits, etc.

Would one of the two studies be less interesting than the other because it was already studied? Of course not. The human factor plays an immense role, because we can create as many methods and techniques we want, but each human being remains unique, and that’s what’s incredibly interesting whenever we create or do something. You are an added-value to anything you do. You hold a unique story, a unique personality, your own values, beliefs, memories, struggles and skills in a way that no one else does.

So is it about the result, or is it about the process of doing it? A goal gives you a direction, but to get there you go through a whole process of learning, trying, failing, then learning again and you keep bettering yourself at what you’re doing. That process is as much important, if not more, as the goal you’re aiming.

Do you enjoy what you do? Do you take pleasure in the things that matter to you? As someone who also lack of self-confidence and tend to be perfectionist, I find that focusing on the doing rather than the accomplishment is an aspect that we can easily push away.

Because Lent starts tomorrow, I thought I should set at least one goal for the next 40 days; take time to write 1,000 words. Of course not here in this journal. But privately in a meditative manner.

Doing things for yourself can be a very interesting step! That way, you’re less likely to fall into a comparison trap. But it will be important to be fair to yourself once you reach your goal. Take your time to acknowledge how you feel during this project. Be curious! Identify your obstacles, but also how you react to it. You’ll be doing something that no one else does, because it will be a unique experience lived by a unique individual…: you. This combination will never be the same anywhere else and at any different time.

You got this!