Feeling guilty for being accepted

Just rambling a bit <3

I still struggle to accept love and positivity from people, when I don’t feel like I’ve deserved it. Whether it be compliments, acceptance, or their time by hanging out with me, if I feel like I haven’t done anything special for them to deserve it, I struggle to accept it. It stays in my head and eats away at me. I feel guilty of having people spend their energy on me.

One of the worst ways it affects me and my relationships is that I never ask people to spend time with me, because I feel like I’m difficult and exhausting to be around, and I don’t want to demand that from people I want to keep around. I don’t want them to leave because they get tired of me and because I never do anything for them. And sometimes it comes off to said people as me not wanting to spend time with them. It couldn’t be further from the truth, but I really struggle to bring that up. Even telling someone “hey, if you feel up to it someday and wanna play a game with me, I’d be down” feels like I’m asking too much.

Compliments are still like knives in my chest. While I understand they come from a good place, unless I agree with them (which lets be real, I barely ever do), they hurt. Instead of thinking “okay, this person has this positive opinion of me, I should be happy about it”, it turns into “holy shit I’ve managed to lie and cheat my way into a positive light in this person’s mind, they’re gonna be so hurt and disappointed when they find out how useless and exhausting I actually am, I should’ve never made them like me in the first place, I’m so fucking fake”.

It’s a long process that I have been working on for years already. I’ve learned to accept small compliments on my art - I still wont accept people saying it’s good, but “you’ve gotten better” is now acceptable. I still cant agree with overall compliments on my looks, but “I like your hair!” is nice to hear, cause I like it too. Anything to do with my personality at all tho, and my head goes “nahh, I could be better”.

Long story short, I feel like unless people hate me, they clearly don’t know me at all. And someone trying to tell me they actually like me and enjoy my company, makes me feel two-faced and guilty for tricking people into thinking I’m nice, or lovable, or even acceptable.

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People can love much harsher people, because there’s always more to them. There’s more to you, even if you don’t see it. It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you can’t trust your own thoughts and feelings. So trust these people. Trust that they see the truth and like you for who you are.
Nobodys perfect, but with hard work and determination, you can make yourself however you like. The world belongs to you.
You’ve been through a lot, and you’re still here. I think that means you deserve to spend time with people you like.
Hold fast friend :slight_smile:

Die For You - Black Veil Brides

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Hey there,

I find that it is very easy for us to be hard on ourselves because we know ourselves the best. That includes our weaknesses and the things we find the most negative about ourselves. So, it is understandable why it can be hard to accept people giving their time because self-deprecating thoughts twist the truth so much. That being said, I would encourage you to ask yourself why you feel like you aren’t worth people’s time. I feel as though time is something very precious and because of that, people don’t spend it on people or activities unless they truly want to.

Regarding compliments, I would encourage you to challenge the thoughts you have about yourself when people give you compliments. Even if you just say the opposite of the negative that you are saying about yourself, and even if you don’t believe it, eventually it will become easier and easier. It’s like strengthening a muscle. It will take time and repetition, but eventually you will see progress!

Hold fast,
Hannah Rhodes

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Ha, I know this feeling so well. Me and my wife both suffer the same, but we also acknowledge that there must be something good about us that the other wants to stay with us. We have no clue why, but being together makes us better, and I am thinking your friends also have reasons to be friends with you. So go ask them. You don’t have to accept what they say, but you can accept that it is their opinion. This right here was the key for me, and my wife, to be OK with ourselves.

kind regards,

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy

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I’ve felt this way before. I feel like anyone who is in my life has simply not seen enough of the darkness yet. But something I realized lately that there is beauty in my friends that they don’t see in themselves so maybe it’s the same for me.

Friendship shouldn’t be about having always done something special for the person. It’s just about connecting with people you find interesting or find you interesting and getting to know you better.

I find what helped me was just trying to stay as true to myself as possible. This way I can’t feel like I’m deceiving anyone because I’m just me always. Then it’s really up to them to take it or leave it. We all have good parts and bad parts. The good friends will accept both. Putting yourself out there is hard but it gets easier. Heck a year ago I wouldn’t have been brave enough to answer you, but practice made me stronger.

That being said, sometimes people do get busy and it has little at all to do with us.

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I love your face very much. You are a blessing in my life. You are very much good enough even when you can’t feel it yourself.

One day it will be easier to accept the acceptance and feel good about it, but today and any other day it is needed we are here to reassure you.

We are here to listen,

I believe in you.