I’m in my thirties and have always struggled with my self image and confidence. I rarely felt attractive nor ready to be in a relationship. Only recently have I started online dating and rather quickly started a relationship with a wonderful women. This was the first relationship for both of us in years and we both had reservations about one another. But I was happy that I did not let this small fear prevent me from trying out the relationship. She is pretty, kind, funny, and very nice towards me. When I was with her, everything was fine and I was in the moment. However, when I was at work or by myself, I would constantly be anxious and have negative thoughts (accidental pregnancy, feeling trapped, fear of missing out in dating a person that is a better fit for me, did I just say yes to the first woman I dated, etc.) I felt horrible for having these thoughts since I have been single and lonely for years. Why couldn’t I just be happy and grateful for being with a caring women that desires me in that way? All my anxiety continued to grow until I would start telling her how I felt during the last few weeks that we were together. She started to feel self-doubt and worrying about when I would not want to be with her anymore. My feelings did not change and last week I told her that I did not want to continue. I ended the relationship but I was a wreck since leaving her place. I cried the day leading up to the breakup and for the next few days. She was so great that she even texted me the night of and day after to ask how I felt and to let me know that she still wanted to continue our relationship despite knowing that we were probably not each other’s forever person. I felt so bad for hurting her and still think about her, but resisted the urge to text her again. I care and pray that she is doing well but also don’t want to just go back to make her feel better. I also know I need to first figure out why I felt like this during our relationship. If anyone has advice or similar experiences to having to breakup with a great partner because it didn’t feel right in the long term, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for reading and listening.
Hey,
Although I have not been through this exact situation I can empathize with how you may feel at times. In my situation, I have dated once, and we have been together going on 5 years. Now at times, I did get concerned that I was going to be missing out on something, some experiences I’d never get to have. Over time though I have found this is what I want, and I don’t have doubts anymore. I believe it is different for everyone. Sometimes you have to go and reevaluate what you want in life, and what you care about- and that’s ok. Relationships are hard, just know that you are not alone.
Take it slow friend, things will get better.
I hope maybe this helped a little, just know things will get better. Take some time to think about what you want, it’s ok.
Thanks so much for your kind words. I am glad to hear that your relationship is going well and I appreciate the advice. I will take time to reflect and feel comfort in knowing that things will eventually get better. Thanks again.
George my friend, I had a very similar problem, but from a totally different angle. My heart really goes out to you, I know you’ve got this - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - Feeling horrible for ending my first serious relationship - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 1 April 2024 | Loom
Hey George24,
I totally can empathize with you and I am so sorry you’re hurting! My piece of advice to you is to think about what long term things were bugging you and if they were really deal breakers or could they have been talked about and fixed/worked on. I think sometimes we are scared of getting hurt but being with a great person is worth fighting for.
Thanks for your support. Sorry to hear that you experienced a similar problem but I also hope you got through it. Thanks again!
Thanks for your kind words. I am currently talking through things in therapy and trying to better understand why I felt this way. I will learn from it and hope to better myself for any long term relationships. Thanks again!
Hey my friend! I appreciate you. Im in a better place now. Being aware of my problems empowered me to learn. Life is about learning, and in that way, Im proud of you. Im glad youre getting some help. We cant do this alone!