Lately I’ve been feeling really…insignificant, I guess. My family and perhaps one friend are all that I ever talk to, I have no other friends. I don’t know how to make friends since it’s been so long for me and I feel like people will just think I’m boring or pathetic or something else negative. I tried joining Discord groups but either nobody acknowledges me or they’re so big it’s impossible to be acknowledged, and due to the pandemic I don’t want to try making friends in real life, nor would I even know how to.
I’m also terrified of my parents dying. They’re getting older and having more and more health issues and they’re all I really have in the world. When they die, I will be 100% alone. This terrifies me. But again, I have no idea how to make any personal connections anymore. Half the time I met old friends it was just by sheer luck, right time right place situations.
It just really bothers me knowing right now if I died the only people who would care are my parents. And if they were dead and I died, nobody would give a single shit, and that really bothers me. It’s starting to creep into everything - when I see other people having a good time with friends I go “at least their friends would care if they died” and that’s such a weird gross mindset to have and I feel ashamed for it.
I guess I’m just being hard on myself. I’m only 21 so I’m still young and life has much time to change in many ways. But for some reason I still feel like I’ve failed.
I can totally relate to everything you’re saying. I can definitely feel the same and think similar thoughts. When I see a couple walking together I can say that must be nice. This world can be very tough at times. Feeling so alone. But I’d encourage you as I encourage myself to know that we are not alone. God does care, even when we don’t feel it. Or see it. We can know it. I’ll be praying for your situation. I’ll be praying for God to send people in to your life who will truly care about you and want to listen to you.
It’s not true that you are insignificant.
I understand the way you’d be scared, but I know I can never understand exactly what somebody else is going through.
I don’t even know you and I would care if you died. I would care if anyone died.
Also, I stay up at night crying a lot because I heard that somebody who I didn’t even know had died.
I don’t think you are insignificant! I’m not lying! I don’t think that about a single soul in the multiverse!
You have the potential to reach out to other people who feel similarly and form bonds!
There are ways.
Also if you talk to somebody, you could talk to me through the private messages.
I swear I am going to do my best to help you.
I have trouble making friends, and the best successes I have had have been in finding groups for the activities I enjoy and socializing there. For me at least, it’s really helpful to have a predetermined shared interest to talk about. It’s difficult during 2020 since in-person is pretty much out, but there are online communities for basically everything these days. I wish you luck!
Hi friend, you’re in a tough spot. Our society is so centered around followers/fame/big gestures that it’s hard to recognize and acknowledge that it’s okay to have a small circle, as long as those people make you feel loved and supported. Re: reaching out, try to imagine your positions swapped. If an old friend wanted to reconnect with you, you probably wouldn’t think they’re pathetic, so I bet your friends wouldn’t think that of you either. It can be scary, but I believe you can do it
Hey GuitarSeal - thank you so much for posting. It really sucks to feel like no one cares, and like you’re alone in life. This year especially I’ve been feeling a little of the same. The lack of contact in person with actual human adults is taking a real toll on a lot of us. I’m hoping once the pandemic is over (eventually it has to be, right??) that everyone else will be just as awkward as I will most certainly be as far as making new friendships goes.
You may feel like you’ve failed, but you’re absolutely not alone, and 21 is such an awkward age anyway, you have a lot to look forward to!
Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling, I hope the responses here and the simple act of sharing has helped! MUCH LOVE