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Feeling lost and confused constantly

This is my first time ever posting anything on here. Lately I’ve been having issues with just always being confused and feeling so lost. I’m doing good things but it’s always in the back of my mind if it’s ever going to matter because it all ends anyway. I’m missing people like crazy and I try to social more and get out there more but when I do I usually get the same results like being blocked, ignored or no one seems to actually care. It’s very hard to try and get out there more and than others wonder why i prefer to keep to myself because I don’t get hurt as much when I’m by myself. I’m grieving because in July I lost my grandma I wasn’t allowed to even go to the funeral but I considered her my rock and my grandma and I were very close and we talked about so much. She would want me to be there. That side of the family pretty much disowned me and flat out told me they wanted me to forget they even exist. I have been told that I’m a failure by many people. And people that are supposed to love and support me. I don’t know I don’t understand because I would never do that to family. It makes no sense. that’s just one thing there’s a combo of stuff going on.

Kellz93x

Danm dude im sorry to hear about your grandma, I actully was at wake for my grandma today and there family issues was going down their too. I also try to reach to friend from down south to have her support and she never responed and it fucking hurt.

Yeah man people suck at time, it hard because alot bad people that dont value others and nice guys always finish last. Not saying that everyone is bad, but it make harder to trust people and not get hurt.

Jeltz,

I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. And the fact that you weren’t “allowed” at the funeral, must’ve been horribly upsetting and frustrating. If “that side of the family” disowned you, then you don’t need them anyway. They probably did you a favor.

Keep in mind, some people will put us down, not because they think we are a failure, but because they feel THEY are. They’re insecure and sometimes jealous. Those calling you a failure, or feeding you any negative words, I would immediately cease all communication with them, even if they are close family. You don’t need that negativity in your life. You are NOT a failure. You are worthy. You are loved!

You didn’t mention the “combo of stuff going on” but just remember, you are loveable and capable. You matter. Forget that side of the family. Stop all communication with those who are negative and hurtful to you. Look in the mirror and tell yourself: “I am a good person.” Because, you are!

Good luck.

Beth

Thank you for getting back to me. I first wanted to know who Jeltz was? Is that supposed to be my name? My username is Kellz and my name is Kelly. I’m still reading your response just responding as I do. Yep the combo of stuff I didn’t go into detail because I already expressed so much and I didn’t want to get confused plus when I typed this I in the middle of doing something and I mainly wanted to focus on one topic. I don’t understand how others assume for it to be that easy? I don’t have much of a choice because like I said they decided to disown me. I was reached out to by my aunt after my grandma passed they all know how close we were. She flat out was calling me a bitch, telling me I do all this for attention, and that I’m a phony. I barely ever see her she lives in a completely different state and her life compared to ours totally different. My grandma only had one left they all know how close we were. My grandma and I would talk on the phone about everything and I’m the only grandchild who would even check up on her like that. Then my aunt flat out told me that I broke my grandma’s heart… and just a year before all this I was told by her and her kids that they’ve given me chance after chance and I’ve failed them every single time. And that I do everything for attention and it’s all an excuse. I’m not anywhere near them I completely relocated… I don’t reach out to them the only person I try to is my dad but he honestly is a fucking sperm donor and that’s it. It’s fucking pathetic it really is. It makes no sense to me since he went through similar shit and just watched me suffer every single fucking day. I don’t feel “lovable” at all! I never did I attempted to commit so many fucking times because of this reason. I don’t feel loved whatsoever by anyone I feel like people just put up with me because it’s the right thing to do. They don’t give a fuck though no one actually gives a fuck I’m by myself all the fucking time. I reached out to support online because I don’t have anyone else. Oh well except SERVICES! I don’t feel loved or lovable at all. And I can’t force it. I work on myself every single fucking day it’s not just me. I mean others have to step the fuck up too. I can’t do it all and do everything.

NAH! I don’t feel that way and I never felt “genuinely loved” and I’ve met lots of people and I’m already 26 years old.

It’s not just people though it’s not just strangers on the street.