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Feeling my world is going down hill

So I only ever made one post for helping a friend and needed advice to help them out. But this time its about me. This year on February 17th 2am my father has passed away. Only to be bullied by my dad’s family and his wife in the progress when organizing his stuff including being bullied out of planning his funeral which they expect me and my sister to pay them back when we said we will have no part in this since they pushed us this far, then having a talk with my mother about a tumor that’s located in her stomach (as far as I know its a giant cysts but no signs it can be cancer but its still giving her hell to live with) and to put the icing on the cake I can’t stand my sister anymore. It might because of my isolationists side of me but it got the point where I can’t trust her with money anymore, she spend ALL of her portion of my dad’s money which now I have to have to handle paying the family back…I’m only worried now what the future will bring me if something happened with my mother, I never thought about losing either of my parents at the age of 24 (soon going to be 25) but seeing my dad die in front of me…it changed everything for me mentally and emotionally. I how I feel now these days I don’t have emotions, I don’t like to talk to people like I used to, and I fear that no one will ever understand what I’m going through. Hell even my boyfriend at the time broke up with me because of that and on freaking FATHER’S DAY this year…I just want to learn how to cope and be me again…I want to know what I have to do next and what I should focus on…I’m just tired of this life…because right now I wish I wasn’t in this one anymore…

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Just hold on. It doesn’t matter how many times you are knocked down, it’s how many time you get back up.

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From: ManekiNeko

this is so much to bear and especially alone. I’m really glad you’re here to talk through these things. I want to say I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, I can’t pretend to know that feeling, but I can empathise with loss. I wish it were easier and that we didn’t have to be hit with that harsh on slaughter of grief and confusion.
how is your mum going? I’m sure the grieving has made everything feel a lot harder for her too. Dealing with health issues and the emotional grief is something you wouldn’t wish on anyone!
your sister sounds like she hasn’t quite figured out how to handle the situation either and perhaps doesn’t see the full picture of the people who are there having to organise things that have to be dealt with. There’s sometimes friction when emotions get heightened, but she hasn’t really been able to take a step back and see the bigger picture. That must be so frustrating for you. Have you ever been able to talk to her about these issues, or does she tend to dismiss it?
have you been in contact with a professional at all to be able to unburden yourself and develop some ways to cope through things? I know not everyone wants to seek that, and that’s okay too. Adding a break up to the mix isn’t really an extra emotional trauma you need. I’m so sorry. I hope you know that his reaction to what was going on wasn’t your doing.
I for one am so so grateful you’re here in this life. I’m grateful that you haven’t given in to the tired feeling life has thrown your way. I hope to hear how you’re going

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I don’t even know how fully my mother is feeling but I know it’s nothing compared to my emotions and mentally right now. Right now we’re in a tight spot where she’s handling things alone and my sister and I are suppose to help her our especially since our financial issue over where are is going haywire" especially with inflation over where we are. Prices are growing higher and that’s making it a little harder especially when it comes to paying bills, . Since we don’t have money to get my mother and sister a therapist but they started to go to counselors that my sister found out. My mother’s appointment starts today but for my sister I’m not even sure if she’s been going to hers since she’s still spending money. Now my issues I don’t ever like talking about it, especially with my own mother or family in general, even if I were to express it which I tried recently she doesn’t know where I am mentally. I’m not at a suicidal mindset thank god but the best way to express it is that I don’t feel emotions anymore…I still care during emotional moments but I don’t fully act upon it. I don’t know how else to explain it. And I refuse to talk to a counselor or a therapist about it…but I don’t know what to do anymore.

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It’s hard to when ur always being knocked down by something else in your life. But I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t still standing back up.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hello Friend, I’m sorry for your loss and that your mother has health problems. It must be very hard to deal with and without proper treatment it’s going to be very hard for you to pull yourself out of your grief. I understand not wanting to talk about it, but there are groups that meet in your city that talk about grief. you could just listen and perhaps that would help. You could also purchase self help books on grief or watch youtube videos about it. There is lots of free help out there for you, you don’t have to figure this out alone. ~Mystrose

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Hello Levi,

I am so sorry that you lost your dad. It’s been nine years since my dad passed & I still think about him. Death is weird. Grief is weird. Life is weird. Something that you might want to look into is GriefShare, it is free & it is a meeting with other people that have lost someone that was special to them.

Grief comes in waves. There will be days when you are okay & everything is okay, then you will have days when you cry & you are completely numb. I want you to know: I see you. I hear you.

You are strong. You are valid. You are strong. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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Hey LeviEggo,

I am so, so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. You are already going through a very personal time with the loss of family, so to have additional stress of family drama on it… no one deserves that.

I see in your reply that you’re not into going to a therapist or counselor right now. I’d like to ask… have you looked into free support groups in your area for people who are going through what you are right now? Many places have groups for those whom have lost close ones, and it’s almost always free. Even if you don’t want to talk at them, at least hearing how others are going through similar situations like yours, the struggles they are dealing with, and how they are over coming their challenges may help you quite a bit in how you going through this. If not that, then maybe a book, audio tape, or even Youtube videos on the subject. What ever you are comfortable starting at.

You don’t have to go through this alone, or in the dark. Even if you don’t want to talk to others, I strongly suggest listening to others who have gone through this, or are going through it now. It’s at least something to try. In any case, I wish you the best luck and support as you deal with the grief of losing your father, as well as dealing with the other side of your family. You are loved, friend.

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From: twixremix

hi levieggo!

i’m thankful to connect with you since it’s been awhile since your last post. thank you for sharing this update and knowing that your heartsupport community always has your back. i’m glad you could return to find support for yourself after helping your friend. i am so incredibly sorry for your loss of your father, my friend. the trauma that his death and not the treatment from your family is bringing upon you is so heavy. i wish i could take all the weight on your shoulders and put them onto mine but what i can do is provide you with some hope. grieving is a beast that anyone who has loved someone goes through so please know you aren’t alone. there are support groups, even action and focus groups on the heartsupport discord who are here for you. you don’t have to walk alone.

when it comes to how your sister is handling money and your mother’s health, i think it’s safe to trust your isolationist side in not trusting those who misuse money and to still support your mom through this cyst issue but building walls in order to protect yourself. there is so much going on for you and to take any more on will only drag you down deeper which is something none of us want for you. you must protect your heart and mind especially as you work through grief or else how can you help other people if you can’t stay above water yourself? please find the help you need and deserve to work through your grief, my friend. and never forget that you’re supported, loved, and valued. i truly hope to hear from you soon on how things are going with you and the family.

love,
twix

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From: Mamadien

LeviEggo, I’m so sorry for what you have and are going through with your dad passing. You must love him deeply. I’m also sorry for all of the difficulty you are having with money and your step family. That makes things so much harder. Can I ask how your mom is doing with her health? As I read what you have written, it tells me that you have multiple things to deal with as you grieve your dad’s death. And that makes grieving harder. Everyone grieves in their own way but sometimes, being able to be with others who are going through the grieving process can help. There may be grief support through your local hospice or a church in your area. These groups are usually free. It sounds like you could use the support. Please give yourself time and be gentle with yourself as you grieve and walk through these next days, weeks and however long it takes. Will you be the same ever again? Probably not, because losing a loved one does change us. But you can make a new normal in time. Please let us know how you are doing. You are loved here and if you need someone to walk with you - this is a good place to be.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you so much for your post. I am so incredibly sorry for you loss, I cannot imagine losing a parent and my heart breaks for you. You are in the throws of grief right now and there are no hard and fast rules about how that happens, how you should feel, when it passes or when you should start to feel like your old self again. Each of us are so different that we handle everything in different ways and that includes grief and it also includes how the rest of your family will manage it. This of course does not mean its ok for you to be treated badly by your dads wife becasue she is grieving, that is never ok and she is wrong for that. You and your sister deserve better. You and your sister however are finding your own ways to cope and it may well bring conflict but stay strong as a family, you have eachother and that is so important especially if your mum is unwell too. My brother and I were not close growing up but we were pushed together and now we get on well and I am so grateful for that, its special to have a sibling to lean on sometimes and that doesnt mean you have to agree with every part of who they are and there behaviour, you just have to love them for being your family. I would encourage you to seek some sort of group help for your grief if you dont want one on one therapy, maybe you could go with someone else. I think it would do you the world of good. other than that just be patient and kind to yourself, it will get easier. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers x

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