If you haven’t done the research by now, the definition of sonder is “the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it.”
And I’m starting to feel this a bit more often nowadays.
Whenever I’m left alone with my thoughts after a long day of school, I tend to think about what others might be doing. And I know it’s normal to get bored and message a familiar to chat, but in my case, it gets to the point of theorizing what they might be doing in this exact moment. I get the urge to contact someone to see how they’re doing, but I still have the subconscious fear that I might be bugging them if I do.
It gets to the point I’m questioning my very existence in this rapidly evolving society, where eventually, I have to get a job, pay the bills, and live on my own, out there in the wild world… But that’s a topic for another time. I mostly just reflect on how I’ve been robbed of all the basic emotional needs for a human child. Of basic empathy and patience, reassurance, stability and acceptance.
In short, life just hasn’t been the nicest to me.
And then I start to wonder… “What would life be like if none of this happened? If the incident that led to all of this 8 years ago… didn’t take place, and I had a normal childhood?”
I always wonder what it would be like if I was just… treated like an actual person. Not being bullied into isolation, not being socially outcasted, not being treated like I was a little kid. Not having to use this platform to vent my problems and crazy ramblings…
I sometimes wonder, if other universes were to exist, that somewhere, in a distant world, I was actually happy for once. I wonder how alternative version of me would react to seeing me like this.
Anyways, this has been another late night rambling from yours truly.
Hope you have a nice morning/day/evening. Never lose your persistence.
-Cora
