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Feeling Suicidal

I was thinking about and planning on killing myself today since Friday. And it’s really scary. I wasn’t set on a way I have a few in mind I’m just tired. I’m just now scared of what tomorrow will bring. I feel really mentally exhausted and weak and physically weak. I feel like a failure I’m just really tired. I don’t want to die but part of me does it’s really really scary. I know I’m not going to do it but like it’s just hard because i was set on today for some reason i don’t know it’s just I’m just really tired and scared.

My heart feels this so much. I am so sorry you are struggling so much. That your heart is tired and so weary. I understand what it’s like to be so tired to barely feel like you can get through the day. I am proud of you for reaching out. For being brave and knowing that you don’t truly want to die. That’s a big step. Try to take it one moment at a time. Maybe you can go on a vacation or take a few days off to just rest and take care of your soul do something you love. I know it’s hard to do anything, it’s hard to fight but it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to talk with us and keep talking with us. You aren’t alone and we are here for you. You can get through this and don’t have to carry this burden by yourself. You are enough and are loved. Keep fighting and allow others to fight for you. You aren’t alone

@andreadjune I’m so glad you posted about how you’re feeling and the thoughts you are having so we can support you! I hear you. Things are hard right now. These thoughts of wanting to end your life are scaring you, yet you feel so weak. You are in a difficult place, friend. But know that as you are in that place, you DO have the strength in you to persevere and get through this! Hold on to those thoughts that are telling you to live; those are the thoughts that will help you get through this! Keep reaching out. We are here for you. You are not alone as you fight this battle.

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First off, I do suggest talking to someone about these feelings/thoughts. There are lots of help for those who are feeling suicidal, seek a lending hand. I’m glad you took time to release what’s been haunting you. The mind can be cruel sometimes and trick you into doing things you wouldn’t dream of doing. I know you’re tired and scared, I’ve been there. It’s crazy and everything in the world spins uncontrollably. The weight can be too much to handle and everyday could be a simple day to exit life. However there is hope, be happy about it. The reason you’re alive is that this little seed inside you called hope is grasping for life. What happens when the seed evolves? You’ll no longer be tired or scared, you’ll be this bright person who’s literally breathing freshness. You want that seed to grow? Hold out your hand and ask for help. Either by venting a bit, decompress your mind. Don’t allow yourself to become lifeless, believe that you can push through and conquer death. Yes, conquer. Conquer suicidal feelings, pain, weakness, etc. Just know when it gets real hard, the community is here for you. Choose life daily, much love.

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I made it through the night it was it was the hardest thing not to do anything and I like I woke up really unhappy to be alive and I’m scared it’s what am I doing I’m so tired

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So proud of you. I know its hard and scary but you are here for a reason. Can you hang out with someone today or go for a walk or do something to distract yourself? Maybe rest today and watch a movie. Keep reaching out on here. You don’t have to carry this pain alone. You aren’t alone and will get through this.

Giving you a big and warm hug. :heart:

I understand how you feel. Ages 13-18 for me just seemed like a cycle of wanting to end it all, and then scolding myself for not being “brave” enough to pull the trigger. And then the cycle would go on and on and it made me feel so incredibly exhausted at all times. I didn’t want to reach out to anyone because I didn’t want to risk making anyone feel anything like how I felt.

But then it ended. No fanfair or anything. I didn’t even notice that I was doing better for a long while. We tend to take the good things in life for granted and overexpose the bad things. Even in the depths of that period, I still found joy. I still loved my dog and I loved the smiles of loved ones. I just took them for granted and assigned little value to those things in my mind.

My point is, these things end. They don’t last forever. I promise you that. Take joy in what makes you truly happy. For me, I started with my dog, who always brings me joy, even when I’m wallowing in despair.

Quite ironically, the poem I was obsessed with while I was obsessed with my own death was “Let It Enfold You” by Charles Budowski. In it, he writes alot about how terrible and pointless life is, but just at the last stanza, he remarks about the simple wonders of life that keep him going. It took me ~6 years to realize that— that no matter how nihilistic I can get about my life, there is still joy and value to be found; you just have to keep an open eye for it.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:34

Love you, friend. I hope comfort finds you soon.