So I graduated of June 2019, I have a job selling recreational cannabis that I love but that’s about it. All I do is wake up, go to work, come home, smoke until I don’t feel bad anymore then go to sleep and do it all the next day. My parents seem to think I’m a devil child who destroys everything in the house when I rarely get out of my bed when I’m in the household. All of my love flings have just dropped through the floor and the woman that I was seeing just seems like she doesn’t want anything to come out of it and I feel like I’m just being used for sexual pleasure. I don’t even think I finished the last time just because I couldn’t, my body wouldn’t let me no matter how long I went. I’m falling into a deep abyss and I’m always searching for a way out of this pit and every time I seem to get close to coming out on top I just fall back into my hole. Same shit, different bucket. I’m not thinking about self harm but I just sit in my room and lay there staring at the roof just waiting until I can fall asleep or until I have to go to work.
Hi friend. I’m sorry you are struggling right now. I can certainly relate to the feeling useless and stuck in the same cycle.
It’s been an ongoing battle for me for a while. You are not alone.
I know right now it may feel dark and like it won’t get better, but don’t give up hope. Things can get better. Continue to take small strides to work towards finding a different path and routine and in time with patience you may find yourself somewhere else that is more fulfilling for you.
I know that may not feel very helpful right now, but I wanted to extend love to you and let you know that I see you and I care.
Welcome to Heart Support. We all have our struggles here and try our best to fight through it together. Here we try to build a safe place with no judgement so that as we go along our different journeys we can share our mind, process and experiences.
I hope you find peace and healing my friend. As well as strength and courage. Just know we are here along the way.
- Kitty
I’ve definitely been in this cycle before. For me, it felt like I was wasting away and wasting time, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I hope you find something soon you can be passionate and excited for. In my experience, as far as the physical effects go, it’s hard to feel connected sexually when you’re depressed. And honestly, this seems pretty unsurprising for someone who just graduated. I went through that recently. Things will come together soon and you’ll find a way out the abyss. Just keep searching!