TW: SA, SH, body horror
I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of disturbing songs and found one that really piqued my interest.
Dharma Girl by kamiyanagi also known as zawazawaP. A Dharma doll (also known as Daruma) is a doll that has no limbs.
The song is through the perspective of a girl who’s mother left/died and is living with her father. However, she is raped by him. Because of this, she decides to cut her leg off to make herself not “cute” anymore. In the end, her reality and conscious have twisted via the abuse and thinks that only “papa” will think she’s cute now that she only has 1 limb left.
While extreme and gory, I can relate to it so much. Wanting to make myself unappealing so no one will want to hurt me anymore through SH. There is safety in knowing that I also have control of my body. I’m the one hurting it, not someone else. And then there’s comfort in believing that if I am “unappealing” then no one will hurt me because of that.
Anyways, I found it interesting. I’m conflicted whether I should enjoy the song or not, but I do, ahah.
Lyrics are below. Not sure if I can link the video because of the content.
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TW: SA, blood, dismemberment
“Does the Daruma girl listen to what Daddy says?”
Holding my breath under the blankets
The darkness of the night awakens the “devil”The door opens and creeping inside
Is a devil’s “servant”, gentle by day.With a hand so familiar,
He undoes my nightclothes’ buttons
One by one, button by button.With a devious smile,
He toyed with
And humiliated the naked me.Those happy days
Are gone without a trace
Ever since Mummy leftIf it’s because of my body being like this that Daddy wants,
then I’d rather be hideous and be saved instead.
So I have made up my mind.
The kitchen knife that Mummy once used
I took it from the kitchen
And thrust it into my right leg.Just like a fountain, the “crimson” overflowed
Snatching my heart was the “suffering” of the pastIf I can be saved from those days,
Then even this agony will turn into hope.With my flesh scraped off
And my bones exposed
I smash them into pieces with a hammer.
Unable to hold back from such excessive pain,
Finally I severed my leg off.The ideal look of mine
That would not get myself raped
I thought I had obtained it, and yetEven after my body has gone to this,
Daddy still is longing for me.
This time, a bit gentler than before
The Devil smiles.Apparently, my legs alone
Are not enough.
I chopped my left arm off as well.
But Daddy still says that “I am adorable.”
And still is longing for me."With my body being like this,
the person who tell me
that “I am adorable”,will only be “Daddy”?"
Somehow, my chest aches
Is there no one else for me but Daddy?
I came to realise that
“I love you Daddy!”It’s all thanks to my body becoming like this
That I know what true love really is.
Hey, Daddy, I beg of you.
Chop off my remaining arm as well please!