Had a friend of mine who is wanting to become a therapist call and ask if I could be a “practice Client” for her. Since I don’t have a history of seeing a professional and so she can help control her bias opinions.
We went though my entire life and how I have been effected by everything, the fact I’m still holding a lot of the stress it gave me. I’m still questioning myself and my worth on what was said to me in the past. I doubt every action of mine because of the fact I’m not “Good enough” or “ready” to do things. I continue to let my past weigh me down to the point it causes me to freeze up and forget the present and my future.
She told me to talk to my fiancee about trying to help me push through my relationship issues more if he is willing. I need to depend on him more and allow him to depend on me, I have trust issues because of my past relationships and she thinks if he is willing to he can help me in a way I cannot help myself. This doesn’t mean it’s going to be solved, I still have a lot of issues to push past alone with that.
She told me when I can to sit down and talk to my mom about my childhood and my past and open up on how I feel. try to see why actions were taken the way they were and come to be okay that they happened even if I couldn’t forgive it. She said I need to make a makeshift grave for a father and allow myself to actually mourn and grieve for him. Despite him treating me terribly he was still apart of my life that I need to safely let go of. Since my father was never given a grave I need a place to actually let that go.
She told me I need to make a stream schedule and announce it by the end of the month. I need to follow it as much as I can. She agrees that giving myself a minimum to reach every week is the best. With having to go through all these weights it may take longer than a week to really recover from them and I have to be open with my viewers about that as well. I take honesty with the highest respect and I need to give the people to respect me that honesty.
She commended me on writing in a journal every day. She thinks while they probably won’t help using the tarot is a way to make it personal and enjoyable. She is also impressed that I find so many solutions that could help me so easily. She said this was due to me fighting alone for so long. She told me I need to make a schedule and work with it as much as I can. This will also help with my addiction to sleep, She is really impressed with how much I have been able to see in myself in the past year and how to fix it. She is hoping I will continue with this and keep her words in mind. She also told me that if I want she can be a voice to reason, she can’t call herself my therapist cause she is still in school but she’s sure she can talk to her teacher and have me be her permanent tester.
After a moment of both of us kinda having a tearful moment we said goodbye and she asked me how I felt. I feel open, like I have never talked so in depth with someone like this before and I don’t know if it feels good or not. I’ve never felt like this. I feel like I did the right thing, I don’t want to mess up my future and I know this was a good step.