I had a long history of depression. Most of that time I wassn’t even aware of my health problem. Every single year of the last three years were the best year of my life.
It was very hard to aknowledge my problem even harder to find a way to get up and do something about it. I tried a lot of different things that never really worked, but I had to push myself doing something new.
I like to encourage everyone to never stop trying. You’re not alone, friend.
Yes, denial can be such a slow and long process to deconstruct. And even then, it feels like it’s easy to come back and forth between a place of naming a problem versus feeling like everything is okay. It forces you to slow down and ask yourself questions that hurt. One one hand there is this urge to keep moving forward just the way it’s always been, and on the other side there is this gut feeling inside that tells you something needs to be found deeper. The surface creates sometimes an experience of life that is so far away from how we live it internally.
Well done for acknowledging what you were going through, friend. It’s a brutal reality check, but it’s also a strong step towards being connected with yourself in a way that enables healing. Putting words on your experience, naming it, can be one of the scariest things possible. Although it’s impressive how much power you can regain once you start naming things and finding a new meaning out of it.
To me personally, depression has also been a long history, but it took me an insane amount of time to actually sit down with it and consider that it would be it. The word itself, depression, was causing so much heartache and fear. It feels as if it becomes hard to trust yourself suddenly - how could I even live all these years on survival mode without being aware of it? Just a brutal lesson overall.
You have been through these major steps and something beautiful came out of it too: proving to yourself that you have resources within to see the red flags and so something about it. Yes, it’s definitely a “one step at a time” kind of process, and so many times it requires to move way beyond our comfort zone of the moment. For what it’s worth from a stranger on the internet, I’m proud of you for pushing through, for moving beyond the refusal to see. You have opened a door to yourself, which is such a beautiful way to manifest love and care for yourself too - even if it feels just messy and scary in practice.
Rooting for you and through the chapters you’ll encounter in the future. You’re on the right path. You will be able to overcome what may feel like walking through the same cycles again - through these cycles you keep experiencing, learning, growing. Each time you choose yourself is a win. <3
Thank you for taking the time to answer with such kind words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Your words are helpful and uplifting. I especially want to point out, how much I agree, with naming things and starting to become aware of red flags. That changes so much, if you start to know your self better. WHY you do things the way you do is so enlightend. I sometimes caught myself doing and handling stuff different without even trying. Also, it can be very funny sometimes that I even have to laugh at myself, because it could have been so easy all along.
I’m from Germany where mental health is widely still seen as a weakness. Since I started to speak openly with friends and co-worker, more and more people started to speak with me about their own mental issues. Having people sharing their worries and troubles with each other is such an awsome helpful experience.
Thanks again, for being here. The value you have can’t be measured in any way.