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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
For me, that stalking shadow has been past trauma. Always pointing and blaming, or anything to beat me down. Convincing me I’m worthless and my existence can only bring down those around me, making the lives of others worse. Almost like it’s taunting until death. Which sometimes I feel is my addiction. I even get angry, and out of place when someone pays compliments, or to console me in any way. It only eases when I smoke weed. Medications have only made things way worse.
This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
For me, that stalking shadow has been past trauma. Always pointing and blaming, or anything to beat me down. Convincing me I’m worthless and my existence can only bring down those around me, making the lives of others worse. Almost like it’s taunting until death. Which sometimes I feel is my addiction. I even get angry, and out of place when someone pays compliments, or to console me in any way. It only eases when I smoke weed. Medications have only made things way worse.
Thank you so much for opening up about your struggles. I know that can be really really hard to do, and I commend you for doing so. I’m so sorry that you have been so plagued by your trauma, constantly haunting you and making you feel worthless and as if you are just a weight on the world. That is so hard.
Though that voice may feel constantly present, endlessly bringing you down, I want you to know that what it is telling you is not true. I don’t know your past, but I do truly know that you have worth. Your existence is a shining light in this world, regardless of what your inner monologue says. No matter what your past has looked like, every day is another 24 hours where you are separated from those past struggles, and you get to move forward into new opportunities.
Trauma can live within us like that shadow which never fades and constantly blocks out the light. But it is merely a shadow. You are a courageous person (I can tell simply by the fact that you are opening up and being so truthful and honest) and you have people in your life that care about you (those people who you mentioned that compliment you and make efforts to console you). Your presence on this earth makes it a greater place for all of us, and I know that you will one day be able to step out of that shadow of trauma that currently haunts you and find the joy in life that rests within the light. You are so much more than your struggles. You are loved and appreciated more than you could know. Thank you for opening up today and we here at HeartSupport are always here for you if you need anything.
I totally get where your coming from. Sometimes that shadow can come around when you least expect it to. Medications can help for some people, but there’s definitely nothing wrong with using herbal remedies as well. And they may be shadows that may linger, but just not come around as much. They leave scars, but those are things we can look back on and know that we’ve gone through the battle and we’re here.
Hi Friend, It seems like that song really resonated with you.
As @djstarion said, those shadows really do rear their heads when you are not ready and its so very hard to keep them under control. I am glad you have found something that helps you to manage that. None of this makes you worthless, it makes you human. We are here if you need us. Much Love Lisa. x
All I can think when I read your post is that I wish you knew how extraordinary you are. I have a family member who is an addict, but they have never once accepted that they caused me pain. Just the fact that you realise and respect the affect you have on those around you to the point where you find compliments hard to accept, well, I find that heartbreaking. I’m not sure what else to say. That is true empathy and courage. x
This really resonates with me as we can have those shadow selves or ghosts whispering in our ear or are chained to us dragging us down and telling us how we “truly” are. You are definitely not worthless and honestly advice given to me by therapist was truly to tell the stalking shadow to fuck off. The Amity Affliction’s Not Without My Ghosts also speaks to this in similar fashion.
You are worth more than what your stalking shadow is telling you and don’t be afreiad to tell if to back the f*** off. Finding ways to not listen or empower your stalking shadow has over you will eventually reduce the loud voice it has now and healing will come with time. I know it is not a perfect process, but taking the power away from the stalking shadow is huge.
Yea, the way describe it makes complete sense… It is so hard to carry the memories of your traumas and the very present emotional/physical consequences of it. It feels as if something has been ingrained in you and shapes the way you see yourself, your worth, your life all the time. Almost as if your very own way to think and feel had been transformed and there wouldn’t be a way to fix it. You are somehow stuck with yourself, with this voice that repeatedly says nasty things about you, and make you believe that you are unworthy of love, joy, or pretty much anything good. It keeps repeating and sometimes it feels like fighting it is useless, because it has one strength: the consistency and repetion of the same things over and over… At some point, you just surrender and feel as if embracing the lies it spreads is safer, costs less energy, is less exhausting. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and it’s a very hard thing to deal with. In light of traumatic experiences especially, it is a consequences that is not talked about enough. It may remain invisible to most, but it is veryreal for the person living it. If anything, I’m sorry you’ve been facing such adversity in your life, and regardless of how long it’s been there, I wholeheartedly believe in you and your ability to eventually become a friend to yourself. Someone who would see this voice as serving a function and expressing a certain type of pain, but not a preacher of truth, and not indicative of your worth. You matter, friend. You really do.