For the longest time i have had to be the villain

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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling in Reverse Popular Monster
For the longest time I have had to be the villain. And I played the villain well. Whether it be to the people in my family. Or the people around me and I am pretty sick of having to be the villain. Or the bad guy however you want to put it. No matter how good I was at it but it’s really hard to get out of that roll.
Especially when your family won’t let you out of that role.
I am 37 days sober. And I have family members that try to tell me they’re proud of me for that. It’s hard to believe them when they flat-out tell you they have no sympathy for people who do such things. I’m not asking for sympathy for what I did. I’m simply asking for the recognition for trying to better myself. Not even asking them to forgive me for how I was. I have no right to ask them.
But I don’t believe it they just say it because they know it’s the thing to say.
I am however very lucky that I have a really good friend that has been very supportive of me during this time.
But that doesn’t stop that inner voice that constantly tells me I’m not enough. And that’s all I am is just a time filler.
Unfortunately I have a lot of history that gives validity to that inner voice.

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CONGRATULATIONS on your 37 days sober!!! I know that’s not an easy task. It’s so hard not to listen to that inner voice. You have every right to ask for recognition from your family. It’s so difficult when the closest people to you can’t let go of how you’ve been in the past and you’re doing EVERYTHING you can to better yourself. Some recognition would mean the world!! I don’t know you but I see you and hear you and am proud of you :slight_smile:

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First of all I think its absolutely worth recognizing your steps to sobriety, that is such a hard thing to do and you deserve the support. We all mess up and feel like we are not good enough and that voice can be so hard to silence. Don’t believe the lies, keep making the choice every day to be a better version of you and keep making small steps toward the person you want to be. Those small steps will grow into healthy habits that will change your life. You were created for a purpose and you have a purpose.You are not stuck unless you stop!