I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m 20 living in MT with my grandma, Beginning of February I’m planning to move to Arizona and I’m terrified. I’ve been so depressed and lonely for the past 7 months after a two year relationship. It sounds stupid but I don’t think I’ll ever meet another person I genuinely care about because I’m not much of a social butterfly and wouldn’t know where to begin. I’m getting pretty scared and excited to move but I really feel like it will just get worse. My friend lives in Arizona with his girlfriend, I’m worried I’ll become very suicidal do to not knowing anyone there and not being able to see my family.
On another note I feel like I’m not important enough, I’d like to call myself and artist because I draw every day and just try to get better and better. However, my depression and negative attitude usually gets the best of me along with comparing myself to other artists. People keep asking me why I’m not in college with a set goal for my life. I literally have no plan whatsoever I can’t work retail all my life I’m already about to break because of it! I don’t know what to do or if this text makes any sense. There’s other stuff but I’ll just leave it at that for now.
First of all thank you for posting. I’m proud you opened up and I hope you find the comfort and trust to talk about any other issues you have here.
Moving is scary, it’s a new place and you’re the only one there, but take some time before you leave and see if there are any events happening that include your interests, or places you can volunteer at. You don’t need to be a social butterfly or always out. But giving yourself a place where you CAN talk to others or you CAN make a friend could help you break out of your fears. We as humans are creatures of community so you will have to take the time to find the new one you connect to. You mentioned you had a friend who lived in the same state you’re moving too, see if you two can meet up once in a while. Don’t be afraid to step out, even if it’s to a park or a daily walk.
You are important enough, just because you don’t take the “traditional” route of not going to school, not doing a “normal” job, while right now you feel like it’s not the best, there maybe a chance where that changes but please don’t force yourself do it as your feel your heart and mind agree on. You can call yourself an artist, you creating every day if Proof of that. I am also an artist, and even though I haven’t seen your work I can tell you work is ones that made you happy at one point. You can take that art and use it to make friends or become known. You can make smaller pieces and put it out for someone to find to make their day happy. That is important, you made someones day and like the butterfly effect you may make a change in their life.
As an artist it’s hard to NOT compare yourself, you need to slowly learn that you can look at a piece of art and instead of saying “Why can’t I be like them?” you can say “What can I LEARN from then.” use that as inspiration. Your work is yours NO ONE CAN MAKE WHAT YOU DO. You are unique to what you make and that is important to the world.
I know the feeling of moving somewhere else and having to deal with loneliness. I moved to another country 2 years ago. And now I still basically only know my colleagues. I tried to make the best out of it lately and tried to find a place where people come together for a hobby. Maybe that’ll help
I can relate to a lot of this. I am older, but I just got dumped after a year and a half of a relationship, with someone I am still convinced is the only person who will connect to me on all the levels we did. And I want and need to move from where I am, and everything seems really hopeless and daunting right now. All I can say is hold on. It’s really hard to navigate these feelings and find a reason for putting one foot in front of the other. I am still struggling every day, and I’ve been getting help. In the minutes before I sleep I still just want to be done with everything. But hold on. You have to keep going knowing that at some point, things always change, and they will be better. We have to try and find happiness in ourselves and that’s so hard when everything points us to finding it in someone or something else. It’s hard to learn but we can do it. I believe in you.
I’m familiar with a lot of the feelings you’re describing.
I also don’t consider myself a social butterfly, but I’ve been able to find communities like this one and my dance community where I enjoy interacting with others and be a little more outgoing. You’ll be able to make connections again. They likely won’t be exactly like the ones you’ve had before, but they are no less valuable.
We believe that you are valuable. It’s okay to not go to college now; there are a lot of people that learn their career skills outside of college. I believe you can make the choices that are right for you.
Hold Fast.
I really wasn’t expecting anything I said to matter to anyone or anyone to even read it. I clearly see that’s not the case and and that people do care about me even though they don’t know who I am. Maybe I need to keep my head up and just play the game of life.
I will do my best to stop comparing myself to other people and realize that I’m not alone. I will keep you guys posted on my moving situation. I thank you all again and wish you all the best!
