Hello
my mum has breast and lung cancer that we knew about for months.
recently she’s been hospitalised, me and my sister are taking turns staying with her.
we don’t know much about her diagnosis other than what she tells us, and according to her the doctor said at the start that her condition is better than most and very curable. however, this morning when the nurses were filling her info they said she had stage 4 breast cancer, i’ve been trying not to cry or say anything in front of anyone the whole day.
i asked her what stage her lung cancer is and she doesn’t know, she doesn’t ask questions and just truests her doctors, idk if that’s a good way to go about it or not.
after what i heard about how curable it is knowing it’s actually stage 4 hit like a truck and i don’t know how to take this, is being hopeful too naive? should i face reality and prepare for the worse? do i say anything to my family?
i had to leave her early today because i couldn’t hold it anymore, i don’t know how to take this or who to talk to. my family has been relying on me so far to be the tough one who can take care of her without breaking down. i don’t know what to do.
Hallo joa, thank you for being apart of the community and for reaching out.
I can’t imagine how hard it is to be going through this with your mother. To have someone you love so much and not be quite sure whether it’s very serious or if it’s going to be okay, and then also having her say she’s not really sure either. I can imagine that at times it’s frustrating and at times it feels like you’re already mourning someone who is still with you because you don’t know the outcome.
I am not sure if your mother is trying to protect you or if she just feels overwhelmed and isn’t sure how to communicate what is going on, it must be so very hard.
And then on top of all that is going on, the pressure of having to be the one who is holding it all together is an incredible pressure.
It might potentially be a thought to speak to one of your mother oncologists about counselling for family. Cancer is such a heavy and heart breaking disease and it affects everyone around. Chances are there are resources for support for family members like yourself who feel stuck in the middle. Who have been through the unknowing and through the pressure of having to be strong.
I offer all my love to you during this time, joa. You are always welcome to continue sharing this journey as much as you need x
Thank you for being here, joa.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for being there for your family.
I do not know your family, but I would wager that they might not know how much weight has been on your shoulders. It may help to talk with them about it.
Your feelings matter. Your experience is valid.
You are always welcome to talk here.
Hello Joa!
Thank you for reaching out and being vulnerable. I can imagine the weight you feel by not knowing what to do with the information you have and feeling like you can’t open up because there are people relying on you, but I encourage you to open up and let yourself feel what you need to feel, you don’t need to be the strong one.
I know it’s hard to think about taking care of yourself when your mum is sick but you should also take care of yourself and it might help to talk with your family.
Thank you for sharing your story with us
hey joa,
i’m so thankful you found this community and can post here to share an incredibly difficult time in your life - this whole heartsupport community is sending you so much love and support. you and your sister are incredible to be by your mom’s side so closely through your mom’s hospital stay. to hear the information of which stage her cancer is in is such a heavy piece of knowledge to hold and it’s understandable how it can be hard to hold it all in.
to be the one that your family relies on to be strong and tough adds so much extra weight to your shoulders… i’m so sorry you’re in this position. it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to be mad. it’s okay to feel all of your emotions and express them how you need. i know those expectations to stay strong suffocates most of your emotions but as someone who has a brother who unfairly had to stay strong for me and my family’s sake during medical hardships, it is harder for you to hold it all in than it is to process and speak about your emotions. you deserve as much as anyone else in your family to cry when you need to and speak openly about what you feel.
give yourself that permission to express your emotions and lean on your family for support as they have leaned on you to be “stoic.” you, your mom, and your family will be in my thoughts as you all continue this journey. this community will be here to listen to and support you as much as you need, whenever you need.
love,
twix
Hi there friend,
I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Life can be cruel, confusing, and extremely difficult. You took a wonderful step by reaching out to us. That’s what we’re here for. Please know that we will always be here for you. Having an outlet is extremely important. I hope that you can feel some catharsis by talking and being open.
Your strength is truly admirable. But please know that you do not need to bear this burden alone. I think that speaking with your family members when you’re ready might be a good step. But there is no reason to rush something that doesn’t feel right. You have every right to feel every emotion that you do.
We are here for you. We love you. 