About an hour ago I saw a message on my friend’s Discord that my friend has passed away since three weeks ago.
I last talked with him about two months back when we last played games and I don’t know what caused his passing, but it’s none the less making me experience a strange feeling of loss. We didn’t play often, but we hanged out a lot more and used to be in the same WhatsApp group with other in my gaming friend group.
I’m not sure exactly how to process his passing. I also feel bad that my last words for him was that I didn’t want to play with just him because of how toxic the random team mates were whenever we didn’t have a full group. I fear I made him feel more alone than he already was.
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t think there’s any blueprint for the perfect way to process or grieve the loss of someone you knew. I think you just need to feel what you need to feel. As long as you’re not repressing or refusing to acknowledge your feelings, directionally you’re in the right place.
I have lost people I knew but weren’t necessary close to, so I understand what you’re saying that it’s a strange feeling of loss. I think this is due to the finality of death. Even though you didn’t know the person intimately well, you still are impacted because of the permanent nature of death.
You had no way of knowing that game was going to be the last you ever played. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you did nothing wrong. You have to let go. It may be the case that you did not make him feel more alone.
I first of all, wanted to send my upmost condolences regarding the loss of your friend. Discovering the news in the way you did, must’ve been incredibly shocking and distressing. The sadness, confusion and guilt you are experiencing just now, is 100% valid and a normal aspect of grief. Loosing someone we love is something we can never comprehend, especially when questions are unanswered relating to why they passed. It’s natural to believe it’s not true, and then to feel numb in the aftermath, this is the minds way of processing what has happened.
The situation has undoubtedly left you feeling full of regret and remorse, especially given the last interaction with your friend. However, none of us are able to predict the future, and it’s very unlikely that your comment had impact on your friend’s wellbeing. I can see how much of a close bond you had, and it’s evident you enjoyed the time you had together.
In times of loss, it’s common to replay past conversations and interactions, searching for signs or missed opportunities to express our love and appreciation. It’s crucial to remember that you are not responsible for your friend’s passing, and it’s okay to seek support from others as you navigate through your grief. The best way to help yourself is to pull together with your fellow gaming community, and uplift each other, supoort each other and support each other as the loss hits home to many of you.
Grief is a personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Focus on the memories you cherished together
I’m so very sorry for your loss, @HC-PinGviini. Even seemingly casual and online relationships can deeply affect us. It’s a strange feeling, and at the same time it speaks to how much this person had a place and impact in your life, regardless of the distance between you and of how often you interacted with each other.
It also makes completely sense to feel somehow in shock and to review in your mind the things you said to each other, especially close to before he passed away. When we lose someone, there’s often this part of our mind that reviews the past and wonders if things could have been different. I believe it’s a way to try to regain control in face of a reality that is imposed to us, that we are forced to deal with. We try to make sense of what feels unreal and beyond understanding.
As @Soprano_Stait said so very rightly, you couldn’t anticipate or know what would happen. What you did during this last interaction was living and having normal discussions that two friends could have at any given time. You haven’t done anything wrong. You were a friend to them, and there is no doubt that they have been blessed by knowing you, having fun together and creating good memories.
I found out the day later that he most likely killed himself. It wasn’t plainly stated, but rather between the lines. I’ll try to cherish the memories I had with him, but most of our mutual friends I haven’t talked in ages so there likely isn’t much communal grief that I’ll get to do.
I had another friend of mine kill herself around this time of the year 8 years ago and it got to me even worse after I learned that she was in an abusive relationship and ended her life as a result of it. With her my last conversation had been about my background with an abusive partner and she was asking for my help to write an article related to how I got out of it, what resources did I use and what helped me along the way since she knew I involved police, reported it and a whole lot of other steps after.
I felt more regret of not getting back to that conversation or to push more for her to write it as many of the resources that I used could have been there for her too and I knew from past experience in how hard it was for me to find them. She was treated pretty badly by some of my friends where they made her feel ashamed for her situation and I guess that made her feel like she couldn’t approach me about it directly either.
In any case, feeling a little lighter on this, but I might start to play that game more again. If only to find more friends like him to my life.
