Friend Ghosts Me

I don’t understand.
We’ve been friends since ~2nd grade, and it’s not like him to leave me like this. I’ve messaged him on discord or other several times, no response. I talk to him in online class, no response. I don’t think there’s a way to know other than to call his house, and i’m still anxious to do that. Does the last several years of our friendship mean nothing to him? Is he just busy? is he just not noticing? Without him, i have no friends. I can’t help but think of the countless possible reasons he just left our friendship with no warning. I can’t stand it. Why? He was the only one who actually, you know, got me. everyone else was either afraid of me or hated me, and now my only friend is my cat. The last message i know he sent to me was “Happy christmas”. I’m trying to think of something funny but i just can’t. i can’t. I’m not fine. With my crappy hypocritical dad and self-harm and stuff, i can’t stand losing my only friend. It hurts.


Im not extremely sure how to help, but If it isn’t like him maybe its not something personal, for example maybe he was grounded.

I can help with this, just what type of jokes does he like?

Grounded for three months? Ignoring me in online class?

I’m trying to be angry at him but i just can’t. No wonder everyone i love leaves me.

3 months! maybe its just that his parents dont want him to talk to you?

I guess it does make sense. Who would want to be with me anyway.

Hi there Xermion,

I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling with this. It’s difficult to help with such a thing as we’re outside of the situation ourselves so we have no context. We can’t possible begin to understand your friendship, because every relationship is different, and you can’t use one to predict another.

Two questions that come up when I read this:

How long has it been since they last spoke to you? If it’s not been more than a week or so, I wouldn’t worry too much. Even if friends don’t respond, it doesn’t mean they’re not longer our friends! I haven’t spoken to a friend of mine in a year, and just based on past relationships, I know that as soon as we talk again, we’ll just pick up where we left off :slight_smile: Some friendships are like that!

How much did you attempt to contact him? Often times sending too many messages can freak someone out, especially if they’re going through something or just not in a place to respond. Sometimes it’s best to just be patient, and send one or two messages, then give them a few days to get back to you. If it’s been a few days, maybe send a nice long follow up, letting them know that you hope they’re okay, and that if they need space it’s okay to ask for it. Sometimes people need space, and can have a difficult time asking for it, so they find it easier just to ghost.

It’s important to recognize that your friend is a human too, and relationships are give and take things. We have to be aware of how they’re doing there, and be there to support them, not only request support. Sometimes the discussions we want to have are just too intense and can overwhelm our friends, so we need to seek other support! Good sources of support can be a parent, teacher, guidance counselor, or therapist.

In these moments you might be tempted to turn things on yourself. You know yourself, you understand yourself, so your brain seeks to justify these actions through the knowledge you have of the situation, and we end up blaming ourselves. The truth is that you only have half the story, so you can’t really put this on yourself, because that’d be coming to a conclusion with only 50% of the story!

I’d recommend being patient. Take your time to collect your thoughts, and don’t rush to a conclusion about something before you know the full story. Give your friend some space to collect themselves. Reach out to them and offer support, just let them know you’re there. If you find they usually send the first text, send the first one yourself, and start up a conversation once you’re both back to normal!

Friendships are give and take, you HAVE to give, to get something back. If you only take, the other person will get worn out.

Best of luck friend

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