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Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/36715
From gojiragoesrawr: I was hit with a very serious heart issue last fall before I turned 37 that has completely altered my entire life. For three months, I have been put on a disgusting amount of medication and have only left my house for medical appointments. My career, that I worked so hard for, will not be waiting for me as this continues to push into long-term disability insurance. The isolation and stress has torn apart my mental health, forcing me to concurrently be in an IOP program for support. I look emaciated and even my skin and hair texture is foreign. Meanwhile, I’ve refused to lean on anyone in my life for support because I feel like I would be a complete burden. It would also be unnecessarily traumatic if I don’t win the fight. I have not been honest with most about how sick I am.
I rebelled and went to Boca and Ft.Myers and Orlando all this past weekend, by myself, for Rise Against/Silverstein and fest because music is and will always be the one thing that will be constant. It was reckless and I haven’t recovered, but I will not regret it. I would rather my heart stop while I’m singing in Silverstein’s pit than the alternative.
Come Tuesday I will be alone, in a completely different city, receiving medical care for no less than 4 weeks. My poor dogs without me. Then back to IOP to heal the MDD and GAD. I am thankful I have good insurance and the opportunity to have these options though, but I’m so fucking tired of being sick.
I had just found myself and I truly hope there is something left when this all passes. Better believe I’ll spent the rest of the year at every concert across the country I can find.
For me it’s not biting down, but holding a shallow breath. I can’t wait to breathe again.
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Wow this is incredible to read. I hope you know that you’re never going to be a burden to those who love you.
I read this and find so much inspiration and passion. The fact you did something that many people take for granted just really takes things into perspective. I hope in that moment you felt more alive than ever and you were filled with so much joy it radiated.
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From: Dr Hogarth
Hi gojiragoesrawr,
I think what you did, by going to the music fests despite everything you’re going through, speaks volumes about your strength and determination is live life. That passion to exist and experience life is such a precious thing and I can imagine being so ill for so long makes you just yearn to be out there.
The journey ahead sounds rough, and I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. You deserve to go to all the concerts you want and live your life to the full. Please never hesitate to update us about your jounrey through this.
You are loved and so valued x
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From: djstarion
First of all, thank you for making the trip to HeartSupport Fest! I was also there and it was a truly amazing experience. You’re right, music is a constant. It can help you get through the worst of times, and I was right there singing along during August Burns Red and was crying during Rise Against, a band that I had waited 20 years to see. With the medical care, you’re going to be in great hands, getting the healing started, both mentally and phyiscally. I can understand not wanting to open up to everyone about your health, and that’s definitely your choice, but your circle can definitely support you throughout this time as well. Concerts are a great way to get feelings and stress out, and I would definitely try to care for yourself physically though while still having an amazing time. If you ever make it out to another show here in Orlando, I would love to join and sing with you in the pit!
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From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, I am so very sorry that you have developed this heart issue, its bad enough when you are older but to have to cope with it at your age is very sad indeed. It can be upsetting and overwhelming when you are suddenly pumped full of all these medications for this and and that and then another for a side effect of another one, it can feel never ending cant it. The part that worries me is how you think telling anyone will make you a burden? Friend, I was really quite unwell for a few months last year and I couldnt have managed without the support of my family and friends even if it was just a call to see if I was ok so that I felt safe at home or someone to accompany me to the hospital and yes I suppose at times i felt a bit like a burden but never once did anyone ever complain in fact they couldnt do enough and I would do the same for any of them. Thats what we do for people we love and you are loved. I hope you go to many many more concerts, just take care of yourself as much as you can. Lisa. x
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From: Mamadien
Oh my friend! What a huge change to happen in your life at such a young age! Everything has changed in just a couple of short months and life as you’ve known it seems a million miles away. There is no surprise that MDD & GAD would be a roaring at you big time. I’m glad that you are getting treatment for all of this at one time and taking care of all of you. As for attending the music concerts and fest - good for you. My big question though is why you aren’t letting those in your life who care for you most inside? Why not be real with them? If your concern is that to let them get close and then if you die they’ll be hurt - they’ll be just as hurt or more so if they figure out you have been keeping them out and heaven forbid if you die - they won’t be prepared. My friend, if you have family and friends who love you and want to support you - let them in. You won’t be a burden. You’ll be loved. It can be hard to be vulnerable. It’s also hard to deal with their emotions as they process what you are going through, I get that. Please think about it and consider how this journey may be better if you don’t go through it alone. I wish you well.
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