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From lilmissemo: “I’m not good enough, I’m gonna mess up.” “I’m going to get into trouble.” “I can’t do this anymore. I just want to die.” “My stomach is huge, I’m so ugly.” “I can’t breathe.”
lilmissemo - feels like you’re slammed on all sides. Nothing you do is ever enough - when you get out of one snare, you walk right into another one. It’s hard to make it through even an hour without having some kind of gnawing thought cut the wind out of your joy or enthusiasm for life. Music is a shield of sorts because it puts someone else’s voice in your head. The relief is honestly such a gift. But you can’t ignore the voices forever, and they have a way of dogpiling you, where it feels impossible to sort through. There is a hopelessness, a suffocation that these thoughts can give you. So many days it feels hard to get out of bed - to know that the day ahead is going to be an obstacle course you don’t know you have the energy to make it across. It’s hard to feel wounded and know you’re going to be reinjured. A difficult reality to face again and again.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Our brain can be very mean to us when we’re struggling and it can be exhausting to fight it all the time. Being afraid to mess up is normal, but it’s okay if you make a mistake. No one is perfect and we make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from those mistakes in order for us to do better and be better. Sometimes it can be hard to breathe when we’re anxious. I find that if I sit for a moment and picture a bubble floating and imagine my breathing keeps the bubble floating, it helps me to slow down my breathing and just take a moment or a few moments. Even when your brain is being unkind to you, you are enough and you are doing your best.