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From mattgwilliam_: loss is all over ever known. After losing my dad to suicide at 8 years old and my mum to alcoholism shortly after I continued to lose connections with my entire family. I’ve lost every friend I’ve ever had and now am unable to maintain a relationship of any kind and I’m completely alone and don’t know who I am.
I’m sorry that your beginning was so difficult. I had no sense of family myself. I attempted suicide at age 10.
Have you worked with a therapist? You may actually have to try more than one in order to get your needs met.
Start with deciding who you are in the moment. I’m pretty sure that if you look within, you will discover a vast amount of empathy. Do you sometimes find things to admire in others? You would not be able to see those things if they didn’t exist, at least in potential, within you.
I think it’s possible that you have experienced so much loss that at some level, you anticipate it, and that’s what’s making it difficult to connect with others. I can also see where it would be difficult to find friends who can relate to your past experience.
However, here, there are a lot of people who can understand the kind of loss you’ve experienced.
You deserve some decent support and friends. I hope you receive both.
gosh, this is so brutal - it’s like all you’ve ever known is short gasps above the water before getting hit with another wave - you don’t even know the freedom of the shore…and of course, how could you find others when your whole life has been preoccupied with just surviving? And how could you know who you are outside of the pain? It doesn’t feel like you were dealt a fair hand - and it’s hard to even choose to play because it just feels so pointless - it’s easier to be angry than to be hopeful - or perhaps even deeper than the anger is exhausted…sad…alone. I’m so sorry, friend.
Oh friend. It must have been so hard to navigate through all of these losses. Losing your parents to such painful circumstances must have been heart-shattering, and I can only imagine how much confusion it has caused as you grew up. There are traumatic events and losses in our life that make us feel like we are constantly processing them. It feels sometimes as if it was the first time we feel this depth of pain. Then on top of it losing connections with the rest of your family and feeling like losing everyp erson in your life one by one… It is completely understandable to feel like you’ve lost yourself in the process. It feels as if your own roots were taken away from you, and you are now expected to keep growing in life by yourself, with your own resources. Under different circumstances, I also lost touch with my family following a loss over the last couple years, and it’s been an ongoing, silent grief. It’s terrible to feel like parts of you are being ripped away, and you are left with the need to create something completely new with broken pieces. I’m sorry you’ve been through this friend, and turly hope that you can seek and create new connections with people who will be life-giving to you. Please know someone out there sees you and hears you now. Even though it doesn’t heal everything, you are not alone right now, and that is because you took the first step of opening up - and for that, we’re all thankful here. Hold fast, friend. In the midst of what feels like an eternal wandering and confusion, new roots can be created, little by little. I believe in you.
Hey there Matt!! 
I want you to know that you deserve to be listened to during what I can only describe as a really challenging time. Whilst I can’t begin to even imagine the loss you’ve experienced, I want to say that I’m truly sorry for all the pain you’ve endured. It seems like the loss of your parents, both under tragic circumstances has impacted you hugely.
The fact you’re able to talk about this, shows that you have a lot of strength and courage in such times of adversity. Whilst it’s okay to feel like loss has been the only constant thing in your life, I also hope you find peace and happiness some day. You truly do deserve it!
Although Grief & Loss is a personal journey, you do not have to navigate it alone. There is always someone willing to listen! It can feel like you are alone, but you aren’t.
Loss may be a big part of your life, but it does not define you. The unconditional love you shared with those you lost is what defines you.
Please take care. You are loved too!! 🩵