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Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/41426
From mccausland_josh: I’m struggling with the loss of a very close friend. One second there here and then poof gone. And it’s so hard because I think of this person every day. I’m just lost at what to do to fill this void. Honestly, music has been some of the only times I can find an escape.
Thank you for reaching out. That sudden loss of a friend, especially a close one makes such a huge hole in our heart and really does leave us with the big empty space inside. You don’t get to say good bye, there is no closure. There are a whole lot of why? And what if? The grief is sharp and feels like a wound that is raw and painful. Grief takes its own time and is never a straight up path. I suspect you will find that you may think of your life in terms of before your friend died and life after. Life won’t be quite the same again, but with time and grieving you can find a path forward. Think about finding a grief group in your area if you think it may help. And escape into the music and let it help you heal.
@heartsupportwall6 thank you! That means a lot
“One second there here and then poof gone.” - This is so true. It’s like there’s no way to walk around it. It’s hit big, giant wall that appeared suddenly, and you have no choice but to compose with it. It’s sudden, brutal, heartbreaking. It takes away all the projects for the future, all the dreams, hopes - and this confidence in knowing that you could talk to them the day after. We’re never really prepared to deal with such sudden change. In my own grief there are times when I feel the reality of the loss through silence. Suddenly, the world feels so silent. But not the usual type of silence - one that is actually very loud, dense, heavy. It felt unbearable at times. It’s an uncomfortable place to be and it hits you deeply.
My heart goes out to you as you do your best to process, mourn, feel, cope. It’s completely understandable to think about your close friend everyday and to miss them. It takes the time that we need to process the reality of the absence of the ones we love, especially when it happened suddenly. I personally don’t know if there is any way to “fill the void” per se - somehow, you may keel feeling it no matter what. But with time, and by nurturing yourself with all the love, patience and kindness you need, it will feel differently at times. Grief tends to be like ocean waves that ebbs and flows. Sometmies it catches you by surprise and feels as if you’re being aware of the loss for the very first time. Other moments, you feel more space and freedom to remember the good memories, and honor the person you love in ways that are meaningful to you personally.
For what it’s worth from a stranger on the internet: I’m proud of you for sharing this. For just being authentically you, and pushing away any kind of social/cultural pressure that often comes with grief. How you feel makes sense, and just like your friend poured love/care into you, you may need to be a friend to yourself in times to come. Be kind and gentle to your heart, as much as possible. You matter so very much.
@(null) thank you! Means a lot!