Going nowhere

here comes one of bad time periods when some things just hit me. i’ve numbed myself to basically all of my pain so idk why this stupid small thing is upsetting me but… my mom expects me to get a job. (i’m 16) i have severe social anxiety and body image issues along with poor communication skills and some health issues going on. i didn’t think she’d expect me to work at 16 but apparently just because she did somewhere in the 70’s, i’m supposed to as well. i just don’t see a point. i don’t see a point in anything. i don’t want to go to school, i don’t want to work, i don’t even want to live. there’s no point to any of it if i’m already a failure. i have no plan for life. i want to be a photographer but how am i gonna do that?? i don’t have a camera, know nothing about photography, have no places that are even worth photographing. what’s the point? i plan on just killing myself at 20 whether i have the courage to or not. i’ll muster it up. i’ll be alone, no friends, no significant other, no “mark”, no job, no nothing. it doesn’t matter whether i live or die but i just wish the death part would come sooner. why am i even here? i just end up disappointing everyone anyways… it doesn’t make sense… i don’t deserve this life… give it to somebody who does and to somebody who wants it. even my friend is disappointed in me, i can tell. they may say they don’t mind talking to me or enjoy talking to me but i can tell they hate me. everyone hates me… i am a shitty person after all. not just saying that in my perspective. i don’t care about other people so why should i expect them to care about me with nothing in return?? idk what this post was… i just want everything to end


16 is a tough age - there’s a lot of things evolving in life at that age both internally, like emotions for example, and externally, like friends for example. I remember being 16 having acne, being awkward, lacking self confidence, etc. The biggest challenge I faced was social anxiety. Anytime I went anywhere it felt like it was all eyes on me. I felt like my every move was being watched by everyone. It was a tough time period. That feeling of anxiety just gives you sense of hopelessness a lot of times. I still struggle with anxiety 12 years later. I’ve had a huge share of other struggles along the way. Depression, addiction, suicidal thoughts, and some other things I’m not proud of. But, 12 years later, I’m still here. As much as I wanted to give up, I never did. It all starts with you, and how you perceive not only life, but yourself. You’re not a failure and you HAVE to stop thinking that way. You need to retrain your mind and be optimistic and to love who you are. There’s hope for all of us, and you’re no exception.

I had no clue what I wanted to do with life when I was 21. I was in college just taking classes to take classes, doing drugs, and trying to keep a 5 year relationship afloat. Fast forward 2 years and that relationship was gone. Things spiraled out of control and I hit the lowest of lows. Once I hit that low, I kind of just thought to myself “I can’t live like this anymore…like, I have to switch it up and just start moving forward.” It took awhile but I ended up getting my bachelor’s degree and am actually getting ready to start on my Master’s degree. There’s still tough days, but things are so much better now.

Everyone’s got their own story. Everyone’s got their own choice. Things are going to get worse before they get better, but you’re strong enough to get through it. I promise you that. Just please don’t give up. Cause if you give up now, you won’t be able to look back on this point in time with a grin thinking “That was tough, but I’m still here.” You got this; things will get better if you give it a chance. I’m going to pray for you. Keep up the fight!

Hey alot of people say around 16 is the worst part of their lives. I also dont think your friends would talk to you if they didn’t like you i know what it feels like to think why these people are talking to me but i know they wouldn’t if they didn’t want to. After high school is a fresh start too so things can definitely change for you and you will develope new interests prob. Lastly their is nothing wrong with having social anxiety i know no one wants to work but that may really improve your anxiety for the future.

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