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Going through divorce


#1

I apologize in advance if this post becomes ramblely and jumbled. I feel I need this platform to get my emotions to level out. My wife and I have been married for 5 and a half years. Been together for 10. Through out the relationship she was mainly a stay at home wife. This was a decision we both made due to her spine conditions. Her spine conditions kept her from doing any jobs that are real physical, or required to stand for extended periods of time. Back last summer she wanted to do volunteer work at our local library, which over a months time lead to her being hired on a part time basis. I was so proud of her! Over time I started to notice some change in her behavior. She would cancel dates we had planed last minute to help her boss with house chores, or to go on dates with him. I need to mention her boss is also married. She would stay over at his place more often. I would find his dirty clothes in the back of her car, as well as our laundry basket. The last red flag was when I was visiting her on lunch. I was being lovey. Playing with her hair, and trying to hold her hand when she told me, “Do not fucking touch me!.” I was shocked. I know her well enough that if she didn’t want to be lovey, or to be touch she would always ask me to stop. Which I always did when asked. This got me thinking that she was having an affair with her boss. I need mention that she did cheat once before. We was engaged and it was with one of my friends. She exhibited the same red flags as I listed previously. When I ask her if she cheated she did confess. I felt that since she told the truth we could work things out. Back to the present. When I ask if she was cheating on me with her boss she said no. When I asked if she blames me for think that she said no. We started to discuss how it felt like we were growing apart when she had to go back to work from her lunch break. I just leave the parking lot when I get via text that she wants a divorce. Not wanting to work things out. Just “wants to rip it off like a bandaid”. Her words. Next day she got most of her clothes and is currently living with said boss, wife, and both of his kids. We have been separated for a month.In that time we only talk about need to know info, and when she will be over to pack more of her things. To sum up my emotions; I am confused. I just as hurt she didn’t want to talk things out. She just rather cut ties.


#2

I am so glad to hear that! Way to go wife! Congrats on getting hired! (: How cool for her. And how awesome that she has you to be such a great support! <3

You dont need to apologize! You are not rambling at all!


#3

Sadly, I wasn’t done. I am new to this site and hit post instead of save. I knew this would be long. Once again, I am sorry.


#4

Oh! You edited it and added more! Dont say sorry! Ill go back and re-read what you added!


#5

I am SO sorry to hear about this. Oh my gosh how awful. I just went through a divorce to. So I know 1000% all of the stresses and hurt that comes with that territory. We lived separate for 2 years before the divorce was finalized. It was one of the hardest things I have gone through in my life. We had been together for 15 years and married for 14.

I am so sorry that your wife hurt you so terribly. Something good comes up and then turns into that. :frowning:
You have every right to be confused and hurt. Completely understandable.

For me, I was the one who wanted the divorce, but it was because my husband couldn’t find it in himself to work out the struggles we were going through for so many years. It hurt that he wasnt willing to make changes and put in effort. And when I finally told him I wanted to leave, he didn’t fight for me. He helped me leave. He was so shut off emotionally. It made me feel like I wasnt worth fighting for. It hurts and it sucks. You are not alone my friend.

If you ever need a friend to talk to about all of this, you are more than welcome to message me. Divorce is shit. Its hard. The process feels awful and I know having a friend can help. I’m willing to listen and try my best to be supportive.

You are so important and valued. Even though your wife has failed to show you that. But it doesn’t make it any less true. Here you will find a community that will love and encourage you. Never with judgement. This place is designed to be a safe place, so never apologize for needing to express your mind okay? It’s okay. That’s what this place is here for.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I truly am.

So much love to you.

  • Kitty

#6

Thank you so much Kitty. Yes, men can be a stubborn beast. I can and will admit I wasn’t always pleasant to be around. When things did get bad with us before this current situation we always found the will to communicate and work things out. Thus why I am confused now. I have friends and family that are supportive, and have proven that over the past month. This was heavy on my mind and kept me from sleeping and had to let it out. Family and friends have lives and need their time too. Once again, thank a bunch Kitty. Also, thanks to whom ever else reads and comments advice on this.


#7

Of course. Glad to listen any time. I hope it gets better for you man. Seriously.