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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Left Behind by Slipknot
Grief is something I’m dealing with. Literally all of the topics discussed here, simultaneously.
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Grief is so heavy and it feels like it settles in like a thick fog. Just when it feels like it’s clearing, there is still this dense mist that is hard to see through. It feels like it comes back two fold from time to time.
Sometimes we build these expectations on how to deal with grief, like we have the 7 stages of grief set in front of us and when it feels like we are recycling the same two stages over and over or we got back to stage one, it’s like a big “when will this end?!” Lingering.
Sometimes other peoples expectations on how we grieve is also unbearable. People tell us to move on or that our loved ones would want us to be happy and live our lives, but it’s easier said than done. It’s the expectation that “you’ve had enough time”. But who’s to say how much time is enough time. Whether you’ve known that person your whole life or for just a moment of your life, the expectations to have to move on are unjust and cold. I have been told by someone who was meant to be my best friend “you need to get over it now”. A week after a friend of mine passed away.
It was the first real and close death I had experienced. The first time someone who had been a big part of my life had died, and I was expected to get over it just to make someone else happy.
I hope we never stop talking about the ones we love who have gone. What I do hope is that the thoughts and memories of them become easier to bear and in time, instead of bringing an ache to our heart, they bring warmth. There may always be to some degree an ache for them, but joy and sadness can coexist.
In the end, we have to ensure we take the grieving as it comes. Giving ourselves the freedom to experience what we feel- when we feel it. We don’t owe our thoughts, our grief or our time to those who can’t slow down and understand. I very much guarantee that when the time comes for those people to grieve they will be hit with the realisation of what it can do to a person. And I hope in those moments they find grace for those around them.
I hope that you have allowed yourself to have the grace of time in grieving. Know that you don’t carry this burden alone. We may all grieve different things, different people, different experiences, but we all share the heaviness in heart and can support each other when the time comes.
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Grief has such a special and deep way of shaping our life and our heart altogether. It feels as if pieces of you are drifted away into the universe, towards places that are so far and unknown. Yet in the very moment, you keep feeling it all. You feel the overwhelming presence of who and what you miss, and their absence at the same time. It’s such a bittersweet feeling when life is tainted by death, knowing that it’s all part of the same process, but that our heart desires to having just one more minute with the ones we love. Just one more.
Grief feels like distance, and fear. It makes it hard to wrap our head around what feels absolutely meaningless. We try to create narratives around it, but then this sharp pain just tears you apart again, making it seem impossible to move. It forces you to see its presence and acknowledge its reality.
My heart goes out to you. It’s hard to navigate those waves, especially when they just seem to be never-ending. What’s next after losing someone or something we love? How do we find ourselves again? It’s hard to figure that out. If anything, you are not alone swimming in this ocean. Sending much love your way today. 
-Marie-Anne
Heartsupport Staff