Guess which fucking idiot's attempted too many times to count? yep, it's me, your local failure (trigger warning)

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mostly I just try to overdose on any pill I see in my mum’s cabinets but that didn’t work. I’m too much of a coward to try bleach, but one day I might. I’m currently seeing two psychologists, a paediatrician, my youth group, my parents and I have tons of support online. but then during my youth group’s worship time I start crying for no reason and run to the bathrooms where no one else is. I’d lock myself in a stall and sit on the toilet with the lid down.
the singing muffles my crying. one time I noticed a can of air-wick next to me and read the label. “warning: direct concentration with fumes such as breathing them in can be harmful or fatal.”
I remember thinking, “funny how I have so much support, so many people to turn too… and yet whenever I feel like this, like I want to kill myself, I can’t turn to anyone.”

I feel stressed most of the time, maybe overwhelmed, like everything I’m doing is wrong, no matter what choice I pick.

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hey friend, i just want to let you know that you are loved. i struggled with thoughts of suicide and parts of me still do, with you coming on here and being so open is truly amazing. keep on going friend, i’m with you, and so is everybody on here.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE :slight_smile:

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I’ve felt like this so many times. I’m sorry everything you do feels wrong. You are so loved here, you are not alone. Please stay :heart:

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@GlassHeart

Hey friend,

You are absolutely not a failure nor an idiot. You’re struggling, and what you feel is totally valid. You’re a human being, you have emotions, and it’s okay. But I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so much pain recently. I wish it would be different right now. One thing is sure: it’s a matter of time for the pain you’re feeling to dissapear progressively. You won’t feel like this for your entire life. It will get better. Okay? :heart:

It may sound selfish to say that but I’m glad you are here, that your attempt didn’t work. Your life matters. I want to encourage you to talk about what happened and what’s in your mind to your family, friends, psychologists or anyone with whom you feel safe, if you didn’t do it yet. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You can also join a crisis line, anytime you need, to talk about what’s in your mind and how you feel:

If you’re not living in USA, just let me know and we’ll make sure you receive the appropriate numbers/informations.

I’m also glad to hear that you receive a lot of support. When we’re in pain, we have to be filled by the support and love we need, and it sounds that you made some important and healthy steps on this matter. It’s really good, really important, not to stay isolate when you have to face a difficult season in your life.

It’s okay if you cry for no reason. It happens to me too. I have crying bursts sometimes and there is, at the moment, no objective reason for me to feel this way. But I’ve also been carrying some heavy emotions with me for a long time and it seems to me that these uncontrolled cries are the result of it. It’s like a delayed reaction. I don’t know either what made you cry, but it certainly has a reason to be. Somehow, healing goes along with a part of acceptance of some emotions that we can’t control. But it’s temporary my friend. As said before, you won’t feel that way for ever. So keep fighting, rest when you need but hang on to what is real, as much as possible.

You are loved. You matter. There is hope for you. And you are not alone. Sometimes we feel alone even if we are surrounded by supportive and caring people. Know that you can also count this community as a resource to you. Whenever you need to vent, talk, rest. This is a safe place.

Hang in there. It’s a difficult journey, but you will build your own resilience. You will find your own light amidst this darkness. The one that will come from your inner strengths and all the love you’ll keep receiving.

:heart:

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I think it’s pretty brave of you to come here and tell us what is going on. I want you to know that you are not the only one and that you can say whatever you want here no judgement. You mentioned that you cry during your youth group’s worship time, is there something about the worship time that causes you to be upset? I want you to know that you matter and that you are loved. Know that you can talk about anything and everything here and no one is going to judge or belittle you. Keep hanging in there.

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