Lately at work, I feel like I’m getting to comfortable with my fuck up jokes. I work with bunch of guys, so we bust each other balls and shit. I almost took a joke why too far and I was thinking about later. I was to myself ( why the fuck would you do that) I felt the urge to self harm and be angry at myself. I still cross boundaries that should not blue cross, I get disappointed with myself, cause I should know better. Still need keep myself in check. It I overthink to one thing, then do something completely stupid the next. It I’m to myself ( you fucking wirdo). Me being awkward virgin dude, I make fuck up sex joke to fit sometime and I just feel stupid cuase make sound like a creek and wirdo.
Also, my same co worker, want to jam with my band sometime. However, I was talking to my drummer like three days, he ask if my co worker was vaccinated. I gave bad answer saying “ I don’t know, I just he a trump supporter “. Then drummer reply, I’m not jamming with him. To be honest, I’m very liberal and I don’t like trump, but I don’t judge or not hang out with someone because thier politics ideas. I just think it dumb, that my drummer won’t give a chance to meet the guy. Also he a good friend and his not an jerk about politics, he actually keep to himself about.
I just really shitty and I don’t know what to do.
i once saw a tv show where they were trying to help someone be a bit less awkward in conversation and they suggested that he say the fourth option/thought that came to mind in a stressful situation.
I’m not suggesting you do that, but i am suggesting that you take a moment before you say something, take a moment and consider what else you could say, consider what you really mean to say, and if these words represent that. It’s a bit of work to get this habit formed, but it is a super powerful strategy.
So, for example, before you make that risky joke, stop. Think about the joke in your head. Then think about how it sounds to someone else. Then think about how the joke is going to make others feel. If you get the greenlight, then and only then do you tell the joke.
No-one probably cares about whether you are or aren’t a virgin (most people are too busy with their own lives to bother about what other people are doing or no doing) But they will probably care more if your jokes are always taking it too far and if they begin to feel uncomfortable. The good news is that this is in your control to think about things and choose what you say a bit more carefully.
again, it would help to consider why you mentioned being a trump supporter when talking about the coworker. Was it relevant? Is it helpful? Does it convey the thoughts I want to share with this person? If you had thought about it for a second more, you would see that maybe bringing up the guy’s political views was not relevant, and was not helpful in this situation.
there is hope though! just give yourself some time to think and plan what you’re going to say, consider how it is going to be received and then speak. It will take a few tries to put it into action, but you can try it out and see if something like this could work for you!
Keep observing how the guys react to each other, as well as you. What you thought may have been taking a joke too far, they might be very used to, and do the same thing with each other.
I can see how the vaccination discussion turned political, as it’s been so politicized. I suspect your co-worker is vaccinated, regardless of his politics, but it might be worth asking. You and your drummer have an established relationship. If adding this other person will cause problems, don’t do it, and don’t feel bad about not doing it.