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Half of my life Im in phases of depression, then Im sitting at my piano and learn songs from that basic feeling sadness, only this way I can do it. So my sadness has given me about 30 song, that I can play now without sheet music 
Also my inner perfectionist has give me little success at work, but im feeling exhausted after years.
I can relate to the power of achieving and not going anywhere with it. I can tell you right now that trying to reach perfection will exhaust you to your core. I had to learn how to quit that habit. Also, your music being created by sadness sounds like a great craft and blueprint for fame and fortune. I know a lot of artists who started that way. I hope I get a chance to listen to some of your songs one day. And I am here to support you on your journey of walking out of depression. Those tunnels can be dark and long, but there is light at the end of them.
It sounds like you’ve found an amazing outlet to channel that sadness. I wish I could play 30 songs without sheet music (I’ve been playing guitar 20 years!) It’s a powerful skill and know you’ll bring people comfort, joy, self reflection and perhaps sorrow in a beautiful way playing those songs. They are clearly important songs to you, keep practicing!
Don’t sweat the little things at work, I know it’s easy to say but it can be easy to fixate on things that aren’t perfect. It doesn’t need to be and no one should expect it to be. Balance that time to spend on you, and learning more music … it can be the best therapy 
It’s so awesome to hear that you’re using music as a way to face & push through your challenges.
Wish I could play an instrument… & 30 songs w/o sheet music! HOW COOL! Sounds like you’ve found a way to process your sadness.
Know it’s easier said than done but don’t worry about work! It won’t be perfect… & that’s also okay. Whatever the status quo is, is already perfect.
Hope you continue to use music as an outlet.
Take care! & remember we’re always here to support you. 
Hi there! Thanks for reaching out to HeartSupport - we’re glad you found us!
I’m sorry to hear how much you’ve gone through. depressive episodes are incredibly draining and painful and often feel like there is no end in sight. Half of your life is a really long time, but hopefully those times when you’re feeling better you are able to see the great things that life can bring and help to keep you working towards your goals. It never gets easier, but I am proud of you for staying strong and not giving up despite all life has thrown your way, and working through these challenges in your own unique way!
It is amazing and inspiring to see how you have been able to push through all of this and find constructive ways to support yourself and work through a lot of these emotional time periods through the use of music! Music is such an incredibly powerful tool and outlet which I believe can greatly contribute to wellbeing, and has certainly helped me through some tough times - so I definitely would suggest continuing utilizing this vibrant resource in positive, mentally stimulating ways! One small suggestion I would give, and this has greatly helped me when I have noticed myself falling into negativity spirals, was listening to songs with uplifting beats, motives and lyrics - songs that made me want to get up, move and explore what the world has to offer. Sometimes we underestimate the power of emotional tone that music can have on us, and for some people this simple focus on more positive music can be extremely beneficial to our wellbeing. Perhaps learning some new songs on the piano that are a bit less related to sadness could provide a beneficial outlet!
In terms of perfectionism and never feeling that your work is adequate, this is very hard to navigate and also can feel like a fruitless endeavour despite large amounts of effort. I can totally relate to feeling like even when I’ve poured all of my energy into even the smallest task - it isn’t good enough and I will somehow not succeed. This can be especially common in the workplace or academics. It can be hard, but sometimes trying to reframe the way you view your work in the eyes of someone else, such as a person who cares for you, can help you take a step back and try to rationalize the quality of your work, helping you see from a new perspective that your work is indeed as great as the effort you invested! I hope you can be kind and patient with yourself, and try to not judge yourself any more than you would another person.
I hope you stay well and remember that we are always here to support you!