What do you do when you hate Gods plan for your life and in return hate God for who He is because of it. I’m not talking about a short season or a little disappointment. I’m talking being forced to live a life you wouldn’t wish on Satan. A life were you dread every moment of everyday because God forces you to pretend to be what you despise, that God has denied every last thing you wanted, everything that brings you any happiness or joy. That there is not one thing that you have in your life that you can even be grateful for. A life so bad you wish for cancer just so you can finally be done. What do you do when God has failed you so bad, every single day for decades upon decades that you seriously wonder if burning in a lake of fire wouldn’t be better than a forced eternity praising the cruel selfish asshole who created you. I spent the past 26 years holding onto hope that God would ever show up, only to be proven a fool for trusting Him. Is there any point in continuing to be obedient to a God that has destroyed all trust and love? Should I keep tithing to a God who has only allowed financial devastation, trust the will of a God who only offers abandonment and rejection? What is the point in praying when the answer is always no, where God doesn’t give a crap at the pain his plan for you brings.
Every Christian I talk to offers worthless platitudes about trusting God through a bad season and How God came through for them after a few bad months or years…it’s been so long that there is nothing left that God can even do to ever come through at this point. Is there any point in even trying when you are absolutely disgusted by who Jesus is because all you’ve been told is lies about his so called promises
Hello! Gosh can I relate to what you have written. I get so angry at God myself questioning why on earth are things the way they are. I was brought up Christian, but honestly, I had to give up that religion and formulate a totally new belief system because it no longer made any sense to me. First and foremost, I can’t accept that religion because the whole premise of Christianity is based on a concept of hell. The only words of comfort I can give you is that I totally identify with your frustration with god or the universe or whatever created this hell-hole of life. But I hold on to the hope that the reasoning and purpose of our existence will be absolutely revealed when we die, and that it will make total sense then. I believe our pain serves a purpose.
Thanks for your response. I wish I could NOT believe in the Christian God. I can actually accept my life if was due to a horrible combination of bad genes and bad luck; some of us have to be dealt the losing hand. But knowing (believing) that God created me intentionally, I cannot accept. I believe that pain could have a purpose, but only if anything good comes from it. My pain and suffering has only taught me that God cannot be trusted, that I’m worthless trash and that you shouldn’t be kind, loving or forgiving to others. It has taught me that you should treat others like trash and lie, steal and destroy whatever is in your way. If we are cursed with a life after this, I really don’t want to go if those are the lessons to have learned. I also see no hope in the next life when everything that mattered to me just doesn’t anymore. I’ve had to pretend to be someone else my whole life, not looking forward to having to be someone else in the afterlife too
Hey man, thanks for taking the time and sharing your thoughts with us.
I’m not really sure if there’s anything I can say that will help, but I wanted to let you know that I’ve felt the same way before. I grew up Christian, but bad experiences at my home church and things going wrong in life made me feel like God hated me…and in a way I hated him, too. I blamed him for screwing my life up, blamed him for my low self-esteem and depression, and wished that I hadn’t been born into the world due to the suffering I experienced.
Years later, I’ve reconnected with faith in a much healthier way. I’ll spare you the Christian platitudes. All I hope for is that your suffering will end soon. I don’t really know what it’ll take, but I pray that life will turn around for you and that things will get better.
Hang in there, whatever it takes. Don’t give up! HeartSupport has your back.
Thanks Brian for replying. I’m really struggling mostly because it’s been bad for so long, that it can never be good now. There is nothing left God could even do to make it have been worth it. How can you ever connect in trust with a God who has nothing but horrible things for you? It’s not just bad things have happened, that happens to everyone. It’s that I chose to trust God instead of doing what I wanted or what would be best for me; and God failed me beyond comprehension. I trusted God for 40 years and it’s only gotten much much worse
I feel your pain. It seems to me that you were pushed into a “fake it till you make it” type scenario. I married a very devout Christian man, and at the same time married his family and their beliefs. My life was filled with fear and the desire to do good, but somehow it was never good enough… One day I woke up and felt that all that hooplah has absolutely nothing to do with God, and that God is just an icon that many use to manipulate and set standards to their own liking, so you can be like they want you to be… It’s fear based. It’s pure manipulation. It’s what people make of it. Use his name to manipulate other people. There’s no heaven, or hell. There’s life and what you make of it for yourself. This works exactly like a Multi-level Marketing scheme. A cult mindset that will make you feel bad for not having been “blessed” by an invisible friend in the sky because somehow you’re at fault… and that’s absolute donkey crapola.
That said… I have many Christian friends and friends of diverse religious backgrounds, that do believe in a higher being, but also in the power of free will. They are very down to earth and realistic about life, which, I agree, can be absolute sh*t for some. Find yourself if you can, get help if you can. If there’s indeed a god, it is more likely within you and you have control, so you can believe whatever YOU want to believe, for yourself. Not to please others or the image they have of it for their own comfort or convenience. I know this post is very irreverent and could be construed as I’m trying to drag you into the “there is no god” type stuff, but no. I hope you find help, support, and get to find your own epiphany and your true path. Much love.
Hey @balncb,
I definitely feel your pain. It can be really hard to trust God, especially when your life is in complete mayhem. When your life is fine, it’s easy to trust God.
When I was in counseling last year, I remember telling my counselor how furious I was toward God - I trusted him to walk me down this career path, only to have every single door closed on me. I felt like I was backed into a corner with nowhere to go. Alas, I turned around in my corner, and over a period of a handful of months, the walls vanished and invisible doors magically appeared - doors I didn’t even know existed.
At the end of the day, my faith in God’s goodness gives me hope. Without hope, I’m helpless. Keep faith that things will get better, friend. I promise you they will. Keep holding on. You’re loved.
-Eric
Hi @balncb. I don’t know that I have any answers for you, but I can tell you that I’ve hated my life and I’ve hated being who I am for most of my life.
I grew up being forced to go to church every Sunday, at least until I was confirmed and was able to start taking communion. I haven’t been to church more than five times since then, and that was over 20 years ago. I don’t believe in what church and religion has come to be.
What I can tell you is that God is meant to be pure love and acceptance. God is not meant to be hate or war or fear. Hate and fear come from people, who don’t understand something and aren’t taught to feel differently, or aren’t taught to find out the truth. As long as you’re blaming God, you’ll never be able to learn to become alright with your life, with the hand that you’ve been dealt.
I don’t know where to tell you to begin to feel better about things. I know that for myself, I became spiritual. I stopped going to church. I went to a counselor who worked on the spiritual side. I read a lot of books by authors that a lot people don’t believe in. I meditated to become closer to myself and to understand myself better. I’m still not a hundred percent ok with myself, and I doubt I ever will be, but I’m not blaming God for my problems anymore. I pray that he’ll help me, but I also realize that things will turn out the way they are meant to be. To quote a song, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I know this is hard to believe, and it doesn’t make you feel better.
I don’t expect you to take the path I took, and maybe you won’t even believe anything I said about God, but I do hope that you can find the answer you’re looking for.
~Daisy 
Maybe I need to clarify a few things. I know exactly who I am and I actually really like that person. I have a problem with who I am forced to pretend to be everyday. I will never accept what has happened, and it’s not possible for any path that would bring happiness or joy being available. God already closed all those doors. He only opened ones I hate and I’m beyond trapped because of the insurmountable problems of the last 26 years. When you have 150k on non dischargeable debt due to medical issues of the son you stupidly didn’t abort, you can’t move in a different direction. I didn’t feel forced to go to church; I fully and foolishly trusted God. That He would finally ever do anything He promised. I truest wish I could believe He doesn’t exist; that Hell didn’t exist. I can accept I have horrible luck and timing. People didn’t hurt me, circumstances did. I blame God because choosing to do what He commands is what has brought forth the vast majority of my problems or at least greatly amplified them. I foolishly choose to honor God and His ways; and in return He destroyed me for it. Forced me to live a life in complete contradiction to who I am. I keep hearing people pray I get help; but my whole premise of these posts is I hate that God has refused to help for decades. This is not a depression issue; it’s a God one.
There is nothing I have ever prayed for in 26 years that being unanswered has been a blessing. Maybe I don’t pray for things that come and go or change. There hasn’t been one thing that God’s way has turned out for the better. At what point do you just stop asking for anything because not only does God only reject; he answers with something even worse than you started with
If you really like the person you are and accept that, then why pretend to be someone else? I understand that you have medical problems, but if you truly like who you are, there’s no reason to pretend you’re someone that you’re not. That’s just my take on it. 
You don’t have to answer the question, by the way. But if you’d like to talk more about your struggles, we’re here.
Because that person would not be tolerated at work, which I have to spend 14-16 allocated too. A career that I absolutely didn’t want and I’m a failure at. But because of finances, I have no option to do anything else. Who I am is also not accepted by anyone I know or have ever met. I spend my days having to put a fake smile on my face while I am openly mocked and shunned by everyone. It’s been this way everywhere since I was in kindergarten
I’m sorry that you feel as if you have to put on a different face for other people and for your job. You’re right. That is not a great way to live, although I don’t have any solutions for you. I know it’s not as easy as “just get another job.” Nothing is ever that easy, and believe me, I wish it was.
I’m sorry that people mock you and shun you. Those people should be ashamed of themselves. There’s no good reason for them to be acting that way. I don’t care what medical conditions you have or how they’ve affected you. You are a human being first, and you have feelings that need to be taken into consideration. Not everyone understands that. A lot of people unfortunately don’t think of how others can be affected by their actions and words. Some don’t know any better because they haven’t been taught better. Some of those people don’t care. (That being said, I will respectfully challenge you if I don’t agree with your beliefs or the way you think about something.)
You are welcome here, to be yourself, to get as much as you want off of your chest. I hope that someday soon you can come here and find it to be a place that you feel accepted and loved for who you are. I hope one day soon you can find a solution to your problems that will make you feel better. I know I don’t have the solutions for you, but know that I’m rooting for you to find a better place in your life than where you’ve been to this point.
~Daisy
Perfect response. After a lifetime of being an atheist (over 25 years) I turned back to God, who was always there. I don’t blame God for my life trouble anymore, I only try to pray for God’s will, not mine. Life is far from perfect, but many of the places I found myself were my own doing, not Gods.
See I’m the opposite, after a lifetime of being a Christian and God never being there for me, I am leaving God behind. I too prayed for Gods will, but His will for me was horrible. Every last one of my regrets are from trusting in God and choosing to do His will or follow His way. My mistake was choosing God instead of myself. Now it’s to late for me
Hey I understand your frustration as a Christian myself it hurts so bad when u are disappointed with the way life is but pray and ask God to reveal to you what it is that He wants u to understand Ive been down and out just keep holding on read the book of Job it is so helpful I know it may not seem so but God loves U and so do I
Why do you think it’s too late? It never too late, unless you’re dead. That’s the only time that you can’t try to turn things around, and that’s only because you won’t be alive anymore to try. But you are still alive. Sometimes it takes time, it can take years, but you can always try to turn things around
Daisy, It’s too late because everything in life that mattered to me, that was important to me Can no longer happen. Nothing can get better on that front and nothing can ever change that. It’s that all hope is gone because there is not even a miracle left that could ever make up for what was and what is.
The problem with the book of job is that God actually stopped allowing him to be punished and at least on the surface things got better, and better than before. For me, God never came through and there is nothing left He can possibly offer to ever make up for this life He forced on me.
He’s there I know He is I wish I could give you my contact I’d love to talk to you more and even pray with you I want you to know you are somebody God loves you don’t let the enemy deceive you I don’t care what you’ve done or what you are I’m telling you years ago when Christ was on the cross He was thinking about you weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning your day is coming I’m here if u need someone to talk to