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Having a real hard time existing


I went to cognitive behavioral therapy for 4 years which sadly came to an end this past December when my therapist moved away. I was craving a change to start my new life without her cause I felt so stuck in my current environment (Pennsylvania) where I lived my whole life. So I moved to Florida with my friend who had been suffering from severe depression for the past year, who I had been looking out for at the time. We both needed the change and a lot of good came out of our move. I got a job at a gym, and really loved working there, after a few weeks he decided to come in and try yoga which ended up helping to change his life tremendously. While working at the gym I met a girl with a boyfriend, I was hesitant to pursue even though she got my number relatively quickly and showed a lot of interest in me and made me feel very special. We connected really hard on a level because we both came from broken families, and I was exactly like her at her age (22) I’m 25. So she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend but it just wasn’t possible for us to date with that happening all so quick, since they were dating for a year. My friend has a family owned company that he wanted to get back to and due to my financial situation I couldn’t stay in Florida even though everything about my life was better than back home at Pennsylvania. I wanted to stay so bad to be close to her. So my friend and I moved back home April 1st, and I have been talking to this girl every day since. We Skype and talk consistently, we honestly fell for each other pretty hard. So every day of living in PA and struggling with wanting to be with her and see her has been driving me absolutely crazy. I’ve been jobless for about 3 weeks now, but obtained my personal training certification from NASM in the time I was unemployed. I convinced her to see me before I found a job because I really don’t know when the next time I’d see her would be when I started working. I’m so nervous about starting the job to be a trainer with how depressed and unmotivated I am without her in my daily physical life. So I’m visiting her now, and we’re about 4 days into the trip and having a great time but I just had a feeling about something since she was being secretive with her phone. I asked her and she told me to trust her, then I went through and found she sent the same nude videos she sent to me and was skyping some other guy. She says that she loves me so much and that her and I have a special connection, and I do believe her but it’s just so hard. I know her and I aren’t dating, and she made it clear she can’t be in a relationship with me right now, but she lied to me, we told each other if we did something with anyone we would tell each other. Every day I think about her and how much I want to see her and how badly I don’t want to live where I am, and being here and all this happening now has absolutely crushed me. I’m so hurt, it’s father’s day, I haven’t talked to my dad in over 4 years and I just feel so lost and heartbroken and I’m in so much pain. I don’t want to work or do anything anymore, I just don’t even see a point in it, everything just hurts so much.


I’m still having a hard time dealing with heart break myself. My girl said she can’t have a relationship and needs to be single for some time but I found out she got in a relationship right after she ended things with me. That shit cut me deep. I asked her about it and she said she wasn’t dating anyone but she didnt look at me when she was talking which is a tell when she’s lying. Honestly what I have found to be working is to distance yourself and keep your mind occupied. It’s hard but it will help you feel better.


Im also having a hard time existing. I have been through suffering all my life having been involved in very traumatic and torturous situations. I have a spiritual connection with Jesus Christ and that helps because i know he tells us to fear not, be still, and know that he is God. Anyway, im in a wonderful relationship that has been almost a year. Before i met him i was married and having an affair that had been going on for years. I loved them both. Lying is just part of the package. What i mean is she might very well love you and might be the one. Broken people live with broken love and it has to be accepted as it is in order to confront it and mend it so that it can grow deeper and healthier. I ended up breaking up my marriage and affair to be with the one man that was divinely put in my life to heal us because we are both broken souls wanting to find that one that will lift us up and carry us back to health. Its a daily struggle in our own minds but love, i believe, cures everything.


I’m sorry to hear about all the hardships you’ve gone through. I’m a victim of sexual abuse so I know how it can feel to feel powerless and hurt every day. I’m happy that you have found a relationship with Jesus to help you in your life. I have always prayed but deep down I’m not sure I feel the connection I’ve always wanted to with religion. I cheated on my first girlfriend of over a year when I was 21 which lead me to attend therapy. This girl was the first I’ve opened my heart to since then, because I never wanted to hurt anyone else like I did when I was younger. I’ve learned from those actions though, and I feel maybe this girl has to do the same that we have had to do and find healing in herself. I hope everything continues to go well for you in your life and you keep healing and go on to do amazing things. Thank you for your support :heart:


I’m sorry to hear that about, I know how it can feel not feeling like you’re enough for someone. It’s a bad feeling, but I’ve learned that you are enough and her doing that to you shows there is a deep wound in her that needs to be healed. Thank you for the kind words, I hope you find someone better and continue to grow as a person my friend.


Every day is a new day and the world keeps turning whether i like it or not. I believe everything happens for a reason. Im just existing right now. It is being said that it could take up to a couple of years for me to get right. Every one in my life left me for dead about a year and a half ago. My family my children my friends. I befriended a homeless man and asked him to move in because i was dying and had no one to take care of me because i was having 3 major surgeries. He agreed to take care of me and I agreed to take care of him and we fell in love and have been inseparable since