Hello everyone it’s been a while since I posted but I’m back and I’m not feeling too good so I’m going to start at where this all started and how I now feel.
I found out because my parents didn’t tell me this that my parents sent a letter to my girlfriend’s parents. This letter was a very rude letter in that my parent’s didn’t agree with my girlfriend’s decision making and how she was moving forward with the relationship. We didn’t communicate for the last two weeks because of this letter which I had no hand in by the way.
Flash forward to two weeks ago, I got an email back from my girlfriend to my parents and this letter was hurtful so I wanted to communicate that to her which I did so yesterday, I’ll come back to this part of it later but for now I wanted to put that here so you know where I was going with this. When I read both of the letters two weeks ago, I started to challenge my self worth and I started questioning if I was good enough. I’ve been battling these thoughts and losing pretty horribly.
Now coming into yesterday night. I wanted to discuss this with my girlfriend, who mind you is moving in two weeks so I get that she is stressed out. I wanted to talk to her about this. She explained in the letter that she felt my parents wanted her to back off but that wasn’t the case. I also asked her about the email but she finally told me that I still have a lot to learn and a lot to lose. It also made me question more things about myself than before.
It brought back the feelings of whether or not I deserve her. Do I really deserve her love or kindness? Do I really deserve the wonderful person she is? I don’t know the answer to these anymore. I thought for the longest time I did deserve her because I’ve helped her and she has helped me. Now I’m questioning if I’m worth it to anyone. I haven’t posted here in a long time because I know there are people out there who need more help than me but this is the only way I can get these feelings to paper.
I guess my main thing here is that I don’t feel as if I’m worth it anymore. I’m starting to isolate myself from people who I’ve been in touch with for a while now and sinking away into how I feel. I guess putting this to paper is a start but I don’t know what else to do. If anyone can help or offer encouragement that would be great otherwise I’m still processing feelings that are out of my control.
Yes. It’s as simple as that. I’m of the firm believe that everyone deserves love and kindness. I heard a quote the other day of, “Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most.” I took this quote to heart, because although I treat everyone equally, I try to seek out the people who believe that they aren’t worthy of love, because they’re the ones who need it the most - because, again, everyone deserves a sense of love and acceptance.
Anyway, I could be completely wrong with the following belief, but I don’t think either set of parents handled the situation appropriately. I’m not scholar, but I believe it would’ve been better for your parents to have a conversation with your girlfriend’s parents face-to-face. That way #1) it’s more intimate and #2) the issue gets resolved quicker. I’m so sorry to hear that you and your girlfriend are getting caught in the crossfire. You two are adults and can make your own decisions. Your parents can offer suggestions, but I think they overstepped a couple of boundaries. If you firmly believe that both you and your girlfriend are in the “right”, then who cares what everyone else thinks? The only thing that matters is if you’re happy.
Anyway, that’s just my two-cents. I hope it helped a little.
Here are my experiences,which may not be the case for you, but if so, I hope this helps. I have battled similar issues in my relationship. I currently and Still do. Just remember. You love her and she loves you. Yes, everyone has a lot to learn and a lot to lose. It’s what your willing to lose and what your not willing to lose. Remember. You can only love her as much as you love yourself also. (I’m working on this too at this very moment.) As far as the parents, I’m I’m agreeance. If you are two grown adults, then the parents opinion and thoughts are irrelevant. Only YOU know what your heart desires. I have let the same thing happen for 2 years before I started making changes. At the end of it all, (if she is your destined to be wife), which you will know when you know, the parents won’t be getting married, you and her will. Value you guys parents opinion and then keep your heart in perspective. Also, don’t lose sight of yourself, loving someone else too much. I didn’t think it was possible until a few weeks ago. When I had a professional tell me. That basically, I let myself go and took myself out of the perspective because I gave so much love to my girlfriend and she did me. We became co dependent. We are currently working on shifting things back to a healthy balance. Things are getting better and easier now, vs we used to argue 24/7 due to this. Basically, LOVE begins with you and then spreads to others. Just don’t base your self worth on whether someone else loves you is what I’m saying. Also, I’ve found this out over time in my relationship, a lot of times your significant other will say things like that out of hurt or because they are silently battling something else. Eventually they will tell you, so if that’s the case she will speak when she’s ready (which I struggled with because I let my anxiety tell me I need to fix it now). But patience is the best trait in that situation. Just remember not to let the actual kind of others affect how you two feel about each other. If you would like a religious perspective I can help with that too. If not, I understand everyone has a different belief when I comes to that. Remember love conquers all and everyone deserves love as similarly said in the previous reply.