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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
Hearing you talk about addiction is enlightening. In a few months I’ll be 7 years sober from Alcohol. The last six years have actually been a breeze and I’ve done great for myself. However in the last half a year it’s just been like the addiction whispering temptations in my ear. I actually started to believe it and told my wife I could go for a glass of wine and just mellow out. And then I catch myself like was that really me saying that? Did I just allow my addiction to convince me that all my progress will allow me to drink now. It’s been tough to have that eternal battle, being stuck in one’s head is torture. I know I’ll be fine but I just wish that there wasn’t an internal discussion with myself to begin with.
From bmao: Thank you so much for opening up and being so honest. I want to give you a HUGE congratulations for coming up on 7 years sober- that is incredible and I truly am so so proud of you! Though you’ve been doing amazing work with your sobriety, I understand that the temptation can still be very difficult. I know what you mean when you wish there wasn’t an internal discussion to begin with. It’s like we hate that any small part of us can even entertain an idea that will ultimately lead to pain and hurt.
Though this voice may sometimes persist, I want to encourage you with knowing that you are so much stronger than that voice could ever be. You have so much more power than your thoughts, and they can’t stop the amazing progress that you have going. I am so proud of your steady and long-term sobriety, and I know that this is just the beginning! You are so strong and more than able to keep that discussion at bay so you can continue to find success in your sobriety. God bless you in your journey and we here at HeartSupport wish you nothing but the absolute best!
Hey friend, thank you so much for sharing about your experience with alcohol addiction and sobriety.
You describe these two voices in your mind so very well and to some extent it’s very relatable to me. Not through the lens of alcohol addiction, but eating disorders, which is of course different although following similar patterns when it compes to recovery/healing. I really resonate with your description of this voice in the back of your mind that is trying to urge you to do things. It’s kind of a seducing voice that is really trying to make you feel like you are in control and you can allow yourself to lower your guard. That you can FINALLY rest somehow and do things that maybe you wouldn’t have imagined at the beginning of your recovery.
You are without a doubt during a fundamental moment of this journey where you have gathered enough personal experience to see that you are able to go through an extended and significant amount of time without drinking. It’s a HUGE milestone and it must have brought so much positive into your life too. But this kind of knowledge and experience also tends to appear with a dark side at some point, especially when it feels like you’re ujst fed up with the recovery work. It makes you question: can Ibe more comfortable now with alcohol? Can I change my boundaries? Can I play with them somehow and become more flexible? Does it still have to be this all-or-nothing process? It’s very scary at first and very intimidating because it’s about how much you’re going to trust yourself in this process and how much you’re going to name how you feel at the moment. It really makes sense that you have been experiencing this. It’s yet another layer of the recovery process, and another challenge to overcome.
It makes sense that you have noticed this voice in the back of your mind trying to push you to drink again even just in a light way because you have this significant and beautiful journey of sobriety already. Seven years is a freaking accomplishment and we ar eso damn proud of you here. Something that I can’t help thinking about is maybe did something change in your life recently, or do you feel like you are more vulnerable for some reason? I know for me personally that this voice is going to be more present and stronger when I have to deal with unexpected things in my life that I am not addressing. A tlittle bit like a lingering fragility that can be more or less visible depending on what’s going in my life and inner world. This is of course just a very personal question and perspective, and maybe it won’t resonate with you.
If anything, I absolutely believe in you and in your ability to keep going on your sobriety journey. This voice can be very seducing but somehow you know already that it is an illusion and it feeds on illusions too. It may also not have your best interest in mind at all. I know it’s hard to have this inner conflict happening all the time and to have to walk through the same process of thoughts over and over. There is no doubt that you’ve been experiencing this so many times throughout your years of sobriety and you have been so strong and so resilient to reach those goals. You have this fire within you that will help you overcome this new type of thought pattern. This is an inner battle that you are winning and I am absolutely confident that you will keep building even more resilience from there. You got this, friend. You can believe in yourself. We certainly believe in you here.