(for privacy purposes i will not use real names, instead i’ll just call him e. also this gets a little bit sexual. just a warning) i don’t know where to begin with this, honestly. i’m gonna give a little background so it’s easer to understand the situation a little more. i have only been in two official relationships. official meaning i asked the person out they said yes and we were officially dating. that happened with two girls. one was my friend who had also never been in a relationship before so we decided to date to get it over with and we broke up after about a month bc it felt weird to date each other. the other i dated for three days, she cheated on me with two people within that time. everything else hasn’t been official. like i had a thing with someone here and there. we weren’t together but we knew we liked each other. that sorta thing. in january, i met e. we had each other on snapchat from being in a group chat together which neither of us spoke in. i had just made a sarahah (i forgot if that’s how you spell it, haven’t used it since this happened but it’s basically something where people can anonymously submit questions or say something to you. something a lot of people did was post their accounts on their story and people would open the link and say something. the person who posted the link screenshots questions and answers them on their story) and decided to try it out. i got a couple messages, but one in particular was “hey you’re pretty cute, i wanna get to know you more” and i decided to respond by saying “you’re so sweet thank you! message me!” and that’s how it happened. he just said hey i was that person. we instantly hit it off. we would message each other all the time. things started getting flirty. then he asked for nudes. usually how relationships work for me is they use me for nudes and then leave when they get bored. it hurts when it’s over but at least i can feel special for a little while. so i decided why not and sent him pics. we kept talking and pretty much started dating. he was really sweet and seemed to care about what i said which i wasn’t used to. time passed and he said i love you for the first time. i was so excited bc i loved him too. it didn’t take long for me to realize that i didn’t just love him tho. i was in love with him. when we had been together for about two months i started to wonder what we were. i didn’t wanna say “hey this is my friend” i wanted to say “hey this is my boyfriend” but i didn’t wanna make him uncomfortable. after asking some mutual friends about it they encouraged me to just ask him. so i did. that’s whne he said something that hit me harder than a pillowcase full of batteries beings swung at my head. he said we were just “friends with benefits”. i was so confused. he said he loved me, but i’m jsut a friend who he wants to just have sex with? i didn’t understand at all. i was (still am) a virgin. we didn’t even make out yet. it felt like his intentions were just to use me. a couple of weeks later, he admitted to that. he said when he first hit me up he just wanted to get nudes. but that he “caught feelings and wanted to be with me”. this wss the healthiest relationship i had ever been in. and besides, i was in love. i wasn’t gonna leave him. so i stayed. we never saw each other bc i lived 30 minutes away from him (and all my friends who all happened to live in that town). when we did get to see each other tho, his arms were heaven. i never took the times i saw him for granted. i cherished every second we spent together. but it hurt that he kept saying we were just friends with benefits. it really hurts being in love with someone who says he loves hou back and hearing that. i asked him and a few other people to come to my graduation. we e been together 6 months and he cares about me, so you’d think he’d wanna come. he said he didn’t want to bc he had prom that day. my graduation ceremony ended at 1:30pm. his prom started at 7pm. he didn’t even tell me he was going to prom until taht day. it would’ve been nice to be invited by the dude i was basically dating but maybe he was just going with friends. i brushed it off. we finally hung out alone towards the very end of our relationship. we tried to have sex but it didn’t work out. before he left, he said i love you. that’s the last thing he said irl. then, on june 17th, three days before i graduated high school, he broke up with me. nothing has ever broken me like that. i didn’t know wha i did wrong. i didn’t understand. i was still so in love. i didn’t eat for three days until after i had graduated and went to a restaurant i realized taht i had been just not eating. usually with relationships i get over it in a matter of days. not with e. after a while i started to feel a bit better. i hung out with one of our friends on the fourth of july and saw him when we stopped by our other friends house. i said hi to him but he ignored me. so i said it again. ignored avian. i looked him in the eye and said hi. he turned away. that hurt. what hurt more tho, was what he did say. after we had left their house to let them continue with what they were doing, we went to a nearby park to set off fireworks. i noticed e and some of our friends were on a roof. so i yelled be careful. then i saw they were drunk and yelled to get down. you know, bc i care about their safety and don’t want anyone hurt. that’s when he finally spoke to me. what he said absolutely destroyed my already shattered heart. “what are you gonna do about it you stupid bitch.” i couldn’t be believe what i heard. it hurt more than anything. i was no longer in love but still really cared about him. he was going off to college in another state in a matter of months. i was hoping we were on at least good enough terms to be civil so maybe i could see him another time before he left.
fast forward to now. i just found out that today he left. i cried bc i assumed he’s gonna ahve sex with anyone he can,and that all of them would mean more to him than i EVER did. bc they’re giving him what he wants. something i could never do.
i learned that he has a girlfriend now. i’m crying as i types right now so i apologize for any typos. i’m trying to catch myself and correct them. but i was with him for 6 months. half of this year i spent with him. i fell in love. and i wasn’t good enough to date. this girl he’s known less time and she is. i hope for her sake taht he has changed. i hope he doesn’t fo what he did to me to this girl. i hope if he loves her he tells her and if he doesn’t he won’t say i love you. i hope she’s good enough for him and i hope he’s happy.
Dear Halfdeadsiren,
Thank you so much for having the courage to reach out to your HS family during this really hard time. Seeking healthy ways to cope with hardship like this is one of the best things you can do for your life. Know that we are here for you, love you, and support you.
I know I don’t personally know you, but I want to give you some pieces of advice that you can either choose to ignore, or use. I do it out of genuine love and care for you.
First you need to know that people (especially online) can be so decieving. If you truly want lasting love and a healthy relationship, doing things like giving him nudes before you are even dating (or sex for that matter) is not going to get you there. There are too many sick individuals who just want a relationship with their orgasm, not a person. Those relationships are never fruitful. Relationships should be built on friendship first (not friends for a week, but a true friendship where you thoroughly get to know them). Then as you get to know them and they are interested in you (not your body), then a relationship is more likely to be healthy. You are great person. You deserve someone who respects you and loves you for your personality, not just for how you “please them.”
Anyways. I hope I didn’t cross a line. Just saying what I feel would genuinely find a healthy love.