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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hate Myself by NF
@Heartsupport Everytime I hear this song I start crying. I just keep hearing the self hatred I have in it. I love the perspective here. There may be another voice.
NF has always been a favorite artist of mine to listen to because he has always been real about everything that he has dealt with or is currently dealing with. He is very good at putting a spotlight on all the dark part of his “mansion.” He is also very good at highlighting the hope for anyone that listens to him, even if he doesn’t fully believe it himself.
He is doing again here with a topic that so many people, including myself, struggle with. It is hard to hear that other voice in your head because the self hatred one has the microphone turned up as loud as it will go, but that other voice still screams has hard as it can to be heard over all the noise. Something that I have to remind myself that just because a voice is the loudest, doesn’t mean that it is right. Just because that voice tries to drown out all the other thoughts, doesn’t make it the best one.
Self love is a hard thing to give yourself and I still struggle with it to this day. I feel that it is something that I will always have to struggle with, but I do find myself having days where that voice doesn’t have the microphone. The other voice still has not found it’s way to the microphone yet, but I count any day where the self hatred voice is silenced as a good day.
Thank you for sharing your story and if you have days where you can’t find the other voice in your head, we will be that voice for you. You matter, we love you and we are happy that you are apart of this community.
NF has such a beautiful way of doing that…of touching these deep emotions inside of us. Giving voice to things that are heavy, that are hidden, but that are raw.
I know self-hate. What’s weird about it is that it’s comforting in a way. There is a “rightness” to punishing “wrongness”. Or perhaps it is just a familiarity. There is a predictability to it, an ability to control it.
Whatever that thing is, this song gives a way to express that feeling without necessarily directing it towards ourselves. It is in a sense, talking ABOUT the feelings rather than having to actively embody them. There’s a beautiful release in that. It is a mourning, a grieving of the pain, rather than self-inflicting.
NF is a gift.
I also want to share that I am experiencing self-love in new ways recently. I experienced an event where I would normally spiral into shame. And I made a decision that the way I was going to respond to this - when I self-shame and self-hate, it doesn’t lead me anywhere. And I decided, I’m going to try something different. So I took care of myself. I held myself in this place of not having to have answers. Allowing myself to just be. Reminding myself that I am loved. And not rushing beyond where I was. It was really powerful. That moment gave me hope that self-hate isn’t the only answer, the only choice I have in response to shame or “bad” things or events.
While it is a journey, the more we lean into it, the more we access it and express it not only through music but in community and with others…the more progress we make, and the more of our story becomes beautiful, overwriting what once was tragic.
Thankful you chose to lean in here today.
-nate, heartsupport staff