HeartSupport Fan #105

Retired from the military, work ridiculous hours all over the State. Completely feel my family has separated from me and could careless if I’m ever around


Hi Friend

Welcome to Heartsupport, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Thank you by the way for your service. I cannot imagine what feeling separated from you family is like, how often do you get to speak to them or even see them, maybe you could arrange once a week when everyone has half an hour to spare to have a group chat? I am sure they are probably feeling the same way you do but maybe don’t want to say it incase they make you feel bad about the long work hours? It would be worth having a chat with them, So often communication is the key on both sides. Just to finish I would like you to know that you have now found a community that will always care if you are around so please contact us anytime because we value everything about you. Thank you for posting, I am so grateful for you. Lisa x

Thank you for your kind words Lisa. I know I’m definitely lacking in the communication department. I hate talking seriously and really choose to just remain quiet. All this really hit me when I found out this fall that my 13yr old fantasy football team was called “I wish I had a dad”.

Brutal to feel like your fam and your work are tearing in two different directions. Like you’ve got to pick between what is giving you purpose and income and what you’re doing it all for. It’s hard to feel like you either have to be lost or alone. Feels he’s enough re-assimilating post service but then to feel like you can’t do it right, that there isn’t a way to “win” - that everything is either losing one thing you love or another…it just feels hopeless.

I’m so sorry to hear about this situation, hun. :((

Thank you so much for your service. I agree with Lisa that maybe sitting down with your family and having a conversation to try and find resolution on spending more time together might be in your best interest. I do have some conflict resolution resources if you would like them?

It must have been incredibly heartbreaking to learn about this fantasy football team’s name that your kid invented. I’m not a parent myself, but can only imagine how much of a shock it must be. It’s part of the things that we feel inside as being real, but actually sitting with it, facing it, acknowleding the hurt it creates is sometimes more frightening. In very different situations, I often felt myself like it was more familiar to keep things as they are instead of breaking the ice or initiating a needed change. But there is this constant pressure in the back of our mind that continusouly grows and reminds us of our worst fears. The way you’ve opened up about it just here shows how much you care, how much you want to do what is right for your family. I bet that in this situation the guilt lingers and becomes quite overwhelming, although I would like to encourage you to not let it take the best of you. You are a caring, loving dad without a doubt. You are in the midst of this painful peak when a situation has been ongoing but may need a change on our part, new actions or decisions to be taken. Of course I don’t know your life context in details, but I see in your words how much your family matters to you and is a priority. With this in mind, maybe, just maybe, there could be some adjustments made in the future, with the help of your family. There is a pain that is shared, and it is exactly through shared obstacles that we can become stronger *with *our loved ones. I personally grew up with parents who were not emotionally available and would never provide any space to talk about things that could be uncomfortable, to talk about emotions. I can assure you that overcoming this discomfort is worth it. Not only for you, but also because you get to show a healthy example of communication to your little one. You haven’t failed yourself or your family – there is potential for healing and growth, for all of you. I believe in you and in your ability to learn this new skill that is communication. Ultimately, we all learn in this department. With priorities set strongly in our mind, such as the LOVE we have for the people in our life, we can learn, improve, and do differently. <3