HeartSupport Fan #111

I feel no one understands me. I hate the way I look. I don’t know if I’m gonna make it financially. I don’t feel anything for anyone except for my pets.

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I’m sorry you’re feeling bad and your circumstances are so difficult. There’s no reason to hate the way you look, and it’s hard to separate that from hating who you are. Hating any part of yourself is disempowering. People come in all sizes and shapes. Among them there are many who are very successful and enjoy a decent level of self-acceptance and love. How would your heart respond to seeing a stranger who looked like you? Respond to yourself the same way.

There’s a saying in a small piece of writing, author unknown, “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” Your chance of succeeding financially is increased when you maintain positive feelings about yourself. Self hatred is exhausting and self-perpetuating to the point of making it very difficult to function.

It’s often hard to feel understood, and I doubt if anyone feels completely understood. I hope it helps if you share your feelings here. You’d be surprised at how many of us can relate to your sense of isolation.

I get what you’re saying about pets, although my cat seems kinda judgmental at times. :slight_smile:

Pets are such a wonderful source of love and joy. You as a person matter so much and even though it’s hard to find the good in ourselves, I bet there is so much about you that others see that they love

I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with so many things lately. Between worries for your future and the way you feel about yourself, it makes completely sense to feel somehow alone and isolated in this. There are seasons in life when it really feels like the entire world is against us and we can only wait for the next slap on the face. This overwhelming amount of stressors and deception doesn’t make us want to feel anything. So we shut down, we retreat ourselves and stay in places where we are safe, like you are with your pets. When I’m hurting or struggling, I generally don’t want to socialize either – it feels like an added burden to deal with, because we need to handle how others would react if we reach out, to try to find the right words in order to be understood… and ultimately, it’s always a risk for more frustration and isolation, especially if as a result we’re not understood. In such circumstances, it takes a lot of strength and courage to share your voice the way you did on this comment. It is still a way to connect with others, even though we may just be strangers online here. We may not share the same story or go through the same journey, but there are struggles that are shared by many, yet are too often lived in isolation. You have reminded me today that I am not alone, by sharing about your own experiences. That’s part of the beauty that is within you, part of the actual impact you have but may not see everyday. I hope you find peace and comfort with your pets, but I also hope that you will keep trying to connect with people when you need different (and safe) allies next to you. Rest assured that, at Heartsupport, we stand with you.

I have tears right now but it’s tears of joy. It is good to know that Im not alone in this and that what I am feeling is valid. It scares me at times of how much I cannot feel things. I know I’m here for a purpose, and I feel it’s to help others by sharing my experiences but I need to get out of these dark places when I fall in. It just feels like I’m there for everyone else but can’t be there for myself.

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Learning to be there for yourself is definitely something that takes time! I’m on that path right next to you. Learning to say no, to set boundaries, to feel comfortable even just with the idea of “self-care” (such a big and intimidating word!). What translates through your message though, is how much you are aware of the importance of your needs and well-being – that alone is a HUGE step. If you’ve been used to retreat/isolate during difficult times, and mostly to give to others but not necessarily for yourself, then it was surely a process on its own to come to the point of (almost) saying: I matter too. Once we’ve acknowledged that though, it’s like there’s this big question that slaps our face: now what? Unfortunately, there’s not a magic formula to use, but, the good thing with connecting and opening up is that we allow ourselves to heal not just on our own. But to be supported throughout our journey – whether by having deep and life-changing conversations, or even just having a friend staying silent in the same room. Your experiences are absolutely valuable, your voice too. Never let it fade away. <3

Hello friend,

I think I speak for the lot of us when I say you’re not alone in the slightest. I definitely struggle myself with self esteem and financial struggles.

Would saving back what you don’t use at the end of a paycheck in a separate account maybe help ease some stress for you? We could look into ways to help make that struggle less if not nonexistent for you.

As for your self esteem, would you be willing to give daily affirmations a try? They’re little sayings you tell yourself everyday to start pushing out negative feelings out of your head.

We’re with you through every step of the way. :heart:

hi friend, just a reminder: you are to be held, not to be missed. you do great with helping others, learn how you can
help yourself, with taking care of yourself. we neglect that far too much. you are not alone in this. we all struggle
with a lot of different things in our lives, but in the end we are all the same. we are all human. why is life so
difficult to walk through? let others help you in times you need help, reach out like you did here.
sharing your experiences and helping others, is a huge act of kindness, a big help for people, for us all. telling from
own experiences can open a sight for things we do not know, for things we can learn, things we should learn.
only if we follow footsteps of a stranger, we learn things we never know. Pocahontas has known that too.
you are loved and you matter most ! feel hugged :purple_heart:

I don’t want to be here anymore. I try and try and try and it’s never good enough. I was closed off for years, I let someone in. After a couple of events that happened he told me not us not now, but we could still be friends. However he hasn’t answered any of my texts or tried to reach out to me. It hurts. I was so upfront and honest with this man. I told him things I’ve never told anyone. We were close friends, I trusted him. I know he’s a good person but honestly I just want to give everything up. I feel like he was my soulmate. I’m hurting so bad why does someone else get to hurt me. I’m a good person with a good heart and good intentions and I constantly get fucked. I don’t want to be here anymore. The people that would miss me they’d get over it. I literally have nothing to lose. This all hurts so bad and when I try to talk about it people are like oh you’ll get over it. Dude I was almost married before and the feelings I had for this current guy I’ve never ever experienced. I’m in a really really really bad headspace.

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It’s brutal when it feels like we build and we build and we build, and something comes and completely decimates everything we invested in. Especially when we feel like there’s no way to repair it or get back what we had. This person felt like THE ONE - more than anyone you’ve ever met, and it feels like it all came crashing down. It feels like they took half of you with them when they left. They have no idea how devastating the loss is, and they can just walk on with their lives, as if they’re completely fine. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to have to rebuild over and over and over again and to feel like you end up used and lower than you’ve ever been. It feels like you’re left with nothing - no one to see you, no one to care. Why keep trying? It’s literally a pattern of heartbreak and trauma. Why get back up? It just feels so pointless. Giving up completely feels like it’d at least be a relief of the constant disappointment and pain that life seems to be for you.

So hard, friend. Losing hope is so hard. Dealing with heartbreak, with repeated trauma…it just gets worse right? Because the pain hits you deeper each time, because you haven’t healed from the last time. It’s like stabbing an open wound.

I’m so sorry.

I haven’t had a lot of experience with heartbreak, but I’ve lost hope so many times in my recovery. Relapse feels a lot like that build, build, build up sobriety, and then have a wave crash over the castle, and I’m at ground zero. So fucking defeating. Feels like - I’m never going to build this again. What’s the fucking point. i’ve wanted to give up so many times, I can’t count. And honestly, the idea of ending my life is sometimes a sweet fantasy - it’s the idea of “turning off”. It just feels benign like turning off the TV. The problem is that that’s not actually what it is, you know? But we like the fantasy of it because it gives us comfort when life feels completely fucking hopeless.

Especially with relationships…it feels so random. Why do some people get to get married and live happily ever after and I just can’t fucking figure it out. Feels the same for me with recovery. I’ve been in recovery for over 10 years without achieving long term sobriety. Feels like some kind of black box fucking magic others get and I don’t.

Hard thing about long term problems is that they don’t have easy solutions right? I wish you or I could get some kind of message in a bottle with “the answer” and just fix everything. Sometimes I still glance at the sea though, right? Haha.

Anyways - I’m not really sure what I want to say besides - I get you. I know the low. Your pain makes sense. But we just have to refuse to give in. We can do this. We don’t have to do the rest of our lives, just today. We can get back up today. We can. I know it because we can look back at our lives and see that we’ve had the strength to do it before, and we can do it today. Don’t try to fix your whole life or relationship future today. Just get back up. If we keep going, I know we’ll get there. You got this. We got this.

-nate

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be grateful to have pets, that is awesome. they can be better friends then most of us humans are.
what makes you feel all that ? there are things in life that we can change, and things we will never change.
but at least we can try, and also we can work on us, for us. it often starts with yourself.
i dropped over 30kg over the years, and i put hard work into that. still i am not feeling really well in my body.
you are not alone in this. take care friend. you are loved and you matter most.

I know I’ve been through worse things but this one is hurting the most. Getting rejected is a way of life. It does not determine my self worth.
I think I need to just fall back. If it’s meant to be it will be.

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I just felt suicidal twice this month.

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You’ve been through heartache, and it’s valid. It takes time to heal and while people say you’ll get over it, it’s more important to know what you need to heal. How are you feeling? Sounds like there’s still a lot of hurt in your life and in your heart. Reach out for support if you need. If we can do anything to help support you like resources then there is plenty of those too. You deserve to go through this healing and feel whole

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april sounds like it was an incredibly difficult month for your mental health. with this new month ahead, i hope that you’ll continue reminding yourself of those truths you wrote 3 days ago of how rejection is a part of life and how it doesn’t determine your incredible self worth. i believe in you to rise above this and to keep walking forward to a brighter tomorrow. you got this! -twix

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Hey Friend,I am glad that none of this determines your self worth because you sound like a pretty awesome person and I truly belive that although this is a dreadfully sad thing that has happened to say the least, good things are going to come your way again and you will be happy once more and we are always here for you until then. Please do not forget to reach out if you ever feel suicidal again, there are always places and people you can turn to. Much Love Lisa. x

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Hi friend, just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. You’re right, rejection doesn’t determine your self worth, it just means you are not compatible as a couple. You haven’t met all the people in your life who will love you and you have a lot of life ahead of you still. You matter!

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

It can be difficult to see past the opinions of others, especially when it comes to connection, emotions and relationships. But I believe that you can AND will rise above all of this. You are capable of amazing and wonderful things. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Feel the sunshine on your skin. Take it one day at a time. You can do it!

You are wonderful. You are strong. You are valid. You are enough. You matter!

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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