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Honesty I really really needed this today, it’s been a shitty one and a half month period of multiple very shitty things piling up one by one including the death of my very narcissistic, neglectful and selfish mother.
That is rough, I can’t even imagine the feelings you’re going through. The grieving process sucks when it’s someone you just love, when it’s someone with a conflicting relationship like narcissistic and neglect, the feelings must be hard to manage. You are a strong person to get through these kinds of days. They will pass, Thank Universe! But in the meantime, take care of your heart and mind, I see you have strength and courage to consider grieving someone who got you assuredly alot of painful memories. Good Luck, may these days pass as fast as they can for you 
I’m so sorry things have been piling up on you. You deserve to feel safe and loved. You are so worthy of being heard and being free from the pressure of what your mother put on you. I’m sure there are so many emotions around this, I’m sure every day or even every hour feels different and unsure. You have this community here for you if you ever need.
@schrododendron aww you’re so sweet! Thank you so much! Honestly it’s been very difficult for me to hear that she was a wonderful woman, mother and what not.
I’m glad you were here today and found at least a little solace in a time where everything sounds so overwhelming. I don’t know why it always seems that life piles it up on us all at once without feeling like you can catch your breath before the next thing hits. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. And I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with the death of your mother. I too had a narcissistic mother. I remember that feeling of total loss because there was no hope left that things could change. It really sucks when you lose not only the mother you had, but any hope for the mother you wish you could have had. It can feel like a double hit. You lose what can now never be and you can’t speak to what was because she’s gone. So you get left with that shitty feeling. Again, I’m so sorry. I’m glad you found this post. And I hope for you healing and peace as you go forward. The Heart Support community is here whenever you need a place to be heard.