My psychiatrist just left the clinic I was seeing him at so I’m spinning my wheels trying to find someone else. I’m fairly young, never lost a job, haven’t been in trouble with the law since I was a minor, have amazing credit, always pay my rent on time along with all of my other bills. I also spent my last birthday in a hospital bed since I overdosed with a 50/50 chance of living and a very low chance of not having brain damage. Up until my overdose no one knew I was back on drugs except the people I was doing them with. I feel like I can’t reach out because everything seems so perfect on the outside, and this is the fourth time I’ve cheated death. I put so much time and effort into appearing like a normal, functioning person that I’ve convinced myself that the street drugs I use are just like the medications I’ve been prescribed. Some days I wish I hadn’t (haven’t) tried so hard to hide everything. No one is going to take me seriously and no one ever has. My rock bottom looks a lot different, how could it even be rock bottom when I haven’t lost anything? Talking about my problems is minuscule compared to most other people, and most people like me don’t look like I do. I’ve been so caught up in appearing successful and normal that my mask owns me.
I’m so sorry you are struggling with those things. Thank you for being brave enough to share what’s going on.
If you haven’t heard it recently, I want you to know that you are an extremely valuable person regardless of what you’re struggling with or how you’ve disguised your struggles.
I hid my struggles from my friends and family for about 10yr and it took them a bit to believe that amicable, happy-go-lucky me had ever struggled with depression and suicide ideation. I’ve never regretted opening up to them though and it’s helped me get the daily support I needed. I can also relate to the comparison bit. You don’t need to compare rock bottoms, if you’re struggling, you’re struggling no matter the outward effect and when you need help, you need help.
I’d encourage you to find those close friends you can trust with the other side of your story and talk it through with them. It’s stupid hard the first few times(or just always hard…) but it’s so so worth it.
And I hope you find a good new psychiatrist soon. It’s so hard to make those changes on the fly. Best of luck and blessings on you, friend.
Minimization of our struggles is something tricky to overcome. While it may seem like your problems are minuscule compared to others, they are still affecting you in a huge way and that is more than enough to give yourself permission to address them and seek help. Not one problem someone faces is greater or less than others, if it is affecting you in any way then it’s a huge issue no matter what. It is totally possible to hit a rock bottom without any loss, I feel like rock bottom is just like the problem comparison. One person’s rock bottom is no less than or greater than another’s, and it definitely doesn’t look the same across the board. I am so sorry you have hit your rock bottom, I can imagine how stuck you must feel battling those conflicting thoughts in your head in regards to getting help. Just know that you ARE worth it, your problems and feelings are valid, and you deserve help no matter where others are at in their journeys. Sending all the love your way.
My friend, I am so very glad that you are still with us!! This world needs you in it. The hardest step is always the first. Dropping the mask is really hard when when you are covering it all so successfully. Please don’t minimize what you are going through with your addiction. It sounds like it has a grip on you if you’ve overdosed 4 times. Please search diligently for a new psychiatrist, but also please think about getting treatment for your addiction. You make the world better with your being here. We’d hate to lose you. You have much to contribute to this world.
. It may feel as though the mask owns you, but indeed, you are its owner. I think some of the most difficult struggles are those which take place internally and no one around us can see. It sounds like you have done a heroic job of keeping your life on track despite the drug-related problems.
Yes it really is hard to hide such problems. Doing so creates a huge emotional drain. When you mention not having lost anything, I think you are talking about the external appearance of well-being. Consider that those outer appearances don’t mean much if you are inwardly devastated. As you have mentioned, you have kept your life together for the most part, but at least four times, you have been at risk of losing everything including your life.
I’m not sure what kind of people you have around you, but I think at least some of them would rather that you be honest and reach out to them for support. One way of looking at it is that you’re honoring them with your trust. Hopefully, some will prove worthy of it.
“Talking about my problems is minuscule compared to most other people,”
What is minuscule about your life being at stake?
Knowing that you need help and reaching out for it sets a good example for others to follow. In fact, it’s a very admirable thing to do.
Comparing to the serious issues that you are facing, how things appear to outsiders isn’t that important.