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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to How Could You Leave Us by NF @heartsupport I grew up never really knowing my biological father, I met him one time when I was 5 and didn’t know who he was. My mother gave me up to my grandmother around that same time because she was too mentally unstable to raise a child. Two years ago, I cut her out of my life after years of emotional neglect, wasted effort, and just never being supported by her. Never been happier to be honest, but it does sometimes make me sad that it had to come to that
So I feel this song so much harder than basically any other song
Hi Friend, Thank you so much for sharing your story, it takes courage to open up and reveal how you are feeling to strangers but it can also be a very cathartic experience which can lift a weight off of a persons shoulders and I hope this has done that for you.
Not knowing your father and your mother giving you up to your grandmother was momentous in your life and would have I am sure brought feelings if not then but later of abandonment of not being good enough, perhaps at some point blaming yourself, what did I do? Why did they not want me? Am I always going to be abandoned?
I am certainly not saying that these are feelings that I hope you had or you should have had, I feel they can come along with the dark thoughts of being let down, hurt, pushed aside and yes abandoned and I want you to know that it is a natural thing to have those thoughts, I am hopeful that your grandmother helped you with growing and learning how much you are loved and appreciated for exactly who you are and that if you had any feelings like that, that they could be put aside to a safe place because none of this was anything to do with you, You are not the reason, you are not to blame, you were simply born into a dysfunctional family and no one gets to choose to whom they are born.
I am pleased you made a decision to move forward with your life, even with the sadness “sometimes you have to destroy something to build something better”.
I wish you well for your future and hope moving forward that you find all the happiness you deserve. Lisa.
I’m sorry to hear about everything that you went through, it’s an extremely rough and challenging situation for sure. Cutting a blood relative out of your life is never an easy decision, but you made the best decision for you and your mental well being. I’m so proud of you for doing that, and you never know what things could have been. It might have been good, but also could have been rough though. There’s a lot of "What if’s? but you can’t change the past, but you can define your future.
Surrounding yourself with a great support system is what is going to be best for you, and that could very well be your true family as well.
I’m really sorry that your parents weren’t prepared to embrace and raise a child. Having been deserted by one parent is hard and tough, there’s this lack of not knowing what’s being missed and the always wondering, but then to have the other parent to be unstable and unable to look after you as well, is another blow.
It is sad to reflect on the what could have been a because the fact is that you deserve to have experienced an environment that was healthy and safe, not being palmed off. It’s a mixture of grief and betrayal from a space that should have been safe.
Sometimes we sit and grieve our child selves and the loss they experienced. There’s definitely past selves I have grieved for and at times still do grieve for, but it’s also such an achievement to allow ourselves to set boundaries for our own betterment.
It’s not an easy thing to come to because when you haven’t had a safe and stable place to show you what healthy choices are and what healthy boundaries are, it can be easy to run towards the unhealthy choices that have been exampled throughout our childhood.
Thank you for sharing a bit about you and your story with us. I’m sorry to hear about what you have went through. But I’m proud of you for enduring your experience growing up, and for how well things turned out. That despite the sadness of thinking about what could have been, that you are happy. I’m glad that your grandmother has been there for you and supported you, and loves you. As hard as it is, you made a decision that you felt was right and best for you. It’s always unfortunate to have to take such a drastic measure with family. So I really do commend you on your strength for making such a decision and for going through with it despite how difficult it may be.
You are so strong, and I admire your strength! Wishing you the best to come!
