Just like Taylor said, I would love to encourage you to share your story here in this comment section, if you would be open to it. It is not a replacement of therapy of course, and what we do here is to provide peer support, but it could be a first step in providing you some relief, and experiencing firsthand that you are not alone in your struggles. To me personally, the moment I started to talk about what I went through was also the beginning of a series of steps towards going to therapy. Like a brick to pave the way as you build a new support system over time.
Therapy can otherwise be very expensive indeed. I don’t know in which country you live, but in Belgium for example there are public centers where several therapists would provide free or very low-cost therapy. There’s usually a meeting of orientation to be redirected to the therapist/practice you would need. Usually these places are not necessarily well known, and a good start to find them is to explore local possibilities online and/or to directly get an appointment with your general practicioner who may use his own network to help you find the right place. Alternatively, sometimes health insurances reimburse partially therapy sessions as long as the professional is certified in psychology or psychiatry. Health insurances don’t necessarily promote these options - I personally knew this as a complete surprise for mine at the time, but it allowed me to have a % reimbursed out of X amount of sessions. Finally, hospitals sometimes provide access to mental health professionals that also cost less, even if the waiting time might be higher. Again, this all depends on where you live, but might be pathways to explore and dig into.