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@heartsupport
I recently started hanging out with an ex girlfriend. Everything had been going really well. We were pretty much a relationship again. Then 2 weeks ago she said she wanted to take a step back. I had kind of been treading water since then. Last night we went for a drive and she said that what she has is dismissive avoidance attachment. I have the opposite, anxious attachment. We both know how much of a good time we’ve been having. She said it’s just getting too REAL and it freaks her out. She said it’s not fair for me to wait around on her while she figures herself out. For once, I felt like I do deserve that, and I deserve to be happy too. But yet I still want to be with her. I haven’t dated anyone else so she’s all I know. She said well still be friends and still can hangout cuz we both enjoy that. It just sucks because I enjoy being more than that. Any advice?
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I’m really glad you’re willing to share your experience with us. It sounds like you’re going through a mix of emotions right now, and that’s understandable given the situation with your ex-girlfriend.
It’s tough when you’ve reconnected with someone and started building something again, only to hear that they want to take a step back. Recognizing your different attachment styles shows a lot of insight and awareness on both your parts, and it’s clear you both care about each other. Her decision to pause the relationship might feel confusing or frustrating, especially because you enjoy being more than friends.
At the same time, it’s significant that you recognize you deserve happiness too. Wanting to be with her is completely understandable given the bond you share, and it’s also okay to acknowledge that this shift in the relationship hurts.
Taking care of yourself during this time is important, and it’s not selfish to focus on what makes you feel good. Allow yourself to enjoy your time together as friends if that feels right, but also remember to set healthy boundaries that protect your well-being.
It’s natural to hold on to feelings and want to be with someone you know well. But as you said, you deserve to be happy, whether that’s by finding contentment in the friendship or eventually seeking other relationships that align with what you need. Give yourself time to process your feelings, and take things day by day. You’re not alone in these emotions, and navigating them can help you figure out what makes you truly happy.