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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Staind - It's Been A While @heartsupport Most of my life has been a fog (I just turned 57). Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self-sabotage. Last year, we lost my sister-in-law very suddenly—she was only 36. I own a house with her and my brother. After her death, I tried to start a journey of healing and acceptance. But, as I often do, I sabotaged myself by making excuses to not continue therapy (ACT with the VA). I didn’t understand why, but I felt that something bad would happen if I continued, so I have slowly regressed to that comfortable place of not caring about much. This time it’s different, though. The things I learned in therapy have me asking myself many questions about why I feel the way I do. All these internal questions allowed some memories to surface, things that happened almost 50 years ago. Now, I have to figure out how to deal with that. I’m not sure why I am opening up in such a public forum. I guess watching your channel and other therapist/reaction channels, and reading all the comments helps me realize that I am not alone, even when I feel like I am.
Hello! I can relate to what you are feeling as I deal with some of these things myself also. I have so many parts of my life that just don’t exist in my memory due to this fog you speak of. I’m sorry for the loss of your sister-in-law, and hope that you and those around you are doing okay in your grieving time. I think that it is great that you at least began to try to go on the journey of healing and acceptance. Acceptance I think is a huge thing when it comes to recovery. For Me, Acceptance really allowed for more growth in what I could do with the thing I had accepted in myself, instead of trying to fight it and “fix it”. I hope you have made some strides in your acceptance and healing, regardless of if you chose to stop your therapy for now. It’s your journey to be had at your own pace, and at your own time. Do not beat yourself up/guilt yourself to bad for taking a break from it. Just trying in the first place is hard, and a huge thing to be able to go after/try. Therapy seems to have opened up your perspective a little bit, and caused you to ask questions and explore your feelings deeper. I think this is a good thing, even if its bringing back some things that are tough to remember/deal with. These are things that, if dealt with, will likely help improve your well being. I’m not certain of that of course, but to me, being able to work through the tough things we have been through, is a part of building strength/perspective towards our future experiences, and understanding of ourselves. I’m glad that our channel, and comments are helping you to feel less a lone and to realize there are other people willing to talk about the things you are just now starting to share. I’m glad you decided to open up here, and if you would rather speak in a slightly less public sense, there is also forum.heartsupport.com. So if you ever need/want to share more, you can feel free to do so, here or there. Thank you for sharing your life experience with us, and I hope you can find some relief to what you are going through. <3
Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you being here on this forum helps you to realize that you are not alone.
I’m sorry to hear about your recent loss. My condolences to yourself and to your family as you all navigate and manage your emotions, and feelings of grief.
I’m glad that you started your journey of healing and acceptance! And being that it is a journey that means there will be ups and downs. And that both are important for acquiring the healing that you seek. I have yet to hear of a story that was smooth sailing from start to finish. Despite your regression you kept going. And through continuing to push you have now learned new things that are causing you to reflect deeper on yourself. And maybe these surfaced memories and deeper reflections can help on this journey of healing and acceptance. I’m hopeful that your therapist will continue to be by your side helping you figure out ways to deal with the new memories and emotions, and questions that have surfaced. And that they can continue to be a support throughout your healing process.
You are not alone! There are others who have similar experiences and feelings and can understand completely what you are feeling. And there are those who might not necessary know what you are going through but still want to offer you support and encouragement on your journey. I am rooting for you! And I wish you the best on the remainder of your of your journey, that ultimately you will find the healing and acceptance that you seek, and deserve.
