Heartsupport thank you so much for listening react

[HeartSupport_Fans]

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Belongs to: Therapist want to be Happy. By NF
@HeartSupport Thank you so much for listening/reacting to this video… I posted on another video of yours about this song and how I hoped you experience it a few times, so while I know you didn’t do this for me, I am thankful you did watch it.
I was able to see you reaction in the first hour or so that it dropped but was not in a place to really type out a reply, so here it goes. …

This song is literally my life, I am a 48yr old dude, that has quite honestly been crapped on from day one… I try not to play the victim in life, but I would not be honest if I didn’t admit that it frickin wears on you man. This constant stress and pain due to my mental health caused by being emotionally beat up as a child and through life has me going through “the motions” and that is it… every day is a challenge to find a reason why… This has led to me not taking care of my health (I use food as a coping mech) and not trying to be reachable at all… I hide in a cocoon usually. It sucks because I know it is wrong and I know I need to change, but then every word of this song kicks in and “I don’t know who I’d be if I was happy”. …

For me I think the hardest part of watching that video is when you realize that the girl at the end driving to the house in tears to ask her mom “why” and for help, is the same little girl who “learned” from her mother throughout that video how to “live” and then sat miserable at a table during her birthday party and had a daydream of what her life would be if what she wished over the birthday cake came true… I relate to that more than I care to admit.

Anyway, I seriously appreciate your reactions and the little bit of your profession that you add to them… I want you to know that some of what you said in this reaction impacted me and I will try.

Thank you

[toastaintbad]

Hi @HeartSupport_Fans,

Thanks for expressing your emotions on HeartSupport! You aren’t playing the victim. Have the right to feel frustrated being beat up as a child. People don’t remember that emotional or physical abuse can impact a child numerous of ways. I can totally relate to your post. Food did help me make feel happy when I was bullied at home & school. However, it did impact my physical health. When my body didn’t feel healthy, I got depressed. It took me many years to get back in shape. There are ton of things from my bucket list that I want to accomplish. Everyone is different with their journey for losing weight. It’s okay to have a cheat day.

As I got older, I learned to enjoy food in a healthy way. Just remember weight is a number. If you loved your body, that all that matters. Not everyone can match led up body standards in this society. I feel it’s impossible to have body of any celebrity.

I watched the NF’s video and it was relatable to watch because it remind me of someone in the past. There are days that I wonder if I made the right choice back in the past. It was a painful memory but I always treasure and learn to be a better person. HeartSupport and I are to support the best you can whatever journey that you can take. You aren’t alone in this situation.

[DyllonKG]

Hey hey friend. Thanks so much for taking time to post here and open about this. Especially as a guy because, at least in my life, opening up and being vulnerable was not something taught to me and it certainly didn’t come naturally. So Im proud of you.

In your post you mention that life hasn’t really ever panned out in your favor and that after 48 years, you’ve begun to wear thin, leaving you with few reasons to continue on. In the throes of life, you’ve found it hard to take care of yourself and hard to get out of your apartment or "cocoon ". What’s harder is that it sounds like you logically understand that you need to change but you for some reason, it just never comes.

“I dont know who’d I’d be if I was happy”

I think I get where you are coming from. I imagine you feel beaten down. And knowing that you need to change but not being able to even muster the motivation to do so I imagine instills further guilt and shame. That has to be hard. It has to be lonely. And I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I want to take a moment and iterate that you are a person who is worthy and deserving of love. From without and within.

I can sort of relate to portions of your story.

For a really long time, I thought the world just had it out for me. Whether it was friends betraying me, or being overworked at jobs that didn’t appreciate me, or having dental issues due to my depressive spell that I now don’t have the insurance or funds to take care of, I felt like I just didn’t fit into the grand plan of the world.

I’d always look for temporary fixes to my problem. I’d move states or start new relationships. Whatever gave me that temporary reprieve and took my mind off of it for a bit.

But no matter what, it would all come back. And at the age of 27, and a decade of just running, hurting people, and hiding, I felt lost. Hopeless. Depressed. I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for or what happiness genuinely felt like.

Eventually I started to go to therapy. I felt like it was hokey but I wanted to try. I tried multiple therapists and found out i was in the wrong type of therapy, finally landing with a therapist that made sense for me. Someone who was willing to take what I called a “tough case.”

And i talked about how I was dealt a tough hand and the world had it out for me and that I didnt deserve happiness. And we started untangling the web.

We unwound my childhood and the situations that were beyond my control. We discussed my adult life, where I was repeating patterns of hurt and abandonment and fear over and over. And we tackled the notion that life dealt me a tough hand. Because there’s no doubt that it did. But that I was perpetuating that same hurt over and over. Though subconsciously, I had a role to play. And I had a role to play in my healing.

It’s been about 4 years now. I’m working on finding happiness in the mundane and ordinary. Im happily engaged. Some days are hard as I struggle to find my worth. On those days - I work to implement some of the tools I was given in therapy and take it easy on myself. Some days are easy days where I pat myself on the back for doing the work.

What I mean to say in all of this is that you were dealt a tough hand. Absolutely. And it can seem so unfair to have to cope with the problems and situations we didn’t ask for. It’s rage inducing. But at the end of my day, I think good things wait out there for you. I think there is a good chance that you can find yourself, and overcome the patterns that haunt you today. Recovery isn’t a linear journey. There is good with the bad. But you’re a person who deserves growth and grace.

I hope you find it.

And I hope this finds you well.

Hold fast my friend.