Heartsupport that s how i feel everytime i think a

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Belongs to: Therapist is Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
@heartsupport that’s how I feel everytime I think about my kids. About a year ago now I caught my ex wife committing adultery. We got divorced and I had to fight harder for my kids than any man should ever have to. I did nothing wrong, and still didn’t even get 50/50 custody. You’re so right, sometimes it can be crippling. Just getting out of bed some days is a win.

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This is such an honest share, I really appreciate you being here and opening up about your story and how you connect with this song. To have the rugged pulled out from under you like it has been with your ex alone must have been ground shaking, and then to have the other people who are closest to you pulled away on top of that just feels so terrible, my heart goes out to you for everything you have had to face over this last year.

I can only imagine the range of emotions you have experienced throughout all of this, from the powerlessness of losing the people you love and everything that brings up, to the fight for your children, your mind must be in a constant back and forth state of grief and shock, and then anger and wanting to be able to do something, wondering what else you can do to be there for the people you love.

There’s so much here to unpack, and I just want to offer my support, to be a listening ear if you do want to share more, you don’t have to face this alone, and we are here with you through this time.

Something Im also hearing hear after your comment and listening to the song is this idea of wondering what to fight for. I can only imagine how much you want to fight for your kids, for what you had, and then theres probably another part of you that is so tired, that wants to let up on the ruminating thoughts that I’m sure occupy your mind.

One thing that is for sure, is that I see a father who deeply cares. The pain you experience, the ruminations - the fight you have put in is genuine proof of the love that you have, and even though no man should have to fight that hard for what is theirs, I feel a fire inside me when I think about your situation, It inspires me to continue fighting for what I love, for what is important to me, so thank you for fighting, and never stop fighting for what you love, and continue to show up for yourself with love, grace and care, because you sure as hell deserve it. You are worthy of love from all the people in your live even if they can’t give it to you right now, and I think it is in these moments that where others can’t give us the love that we desire that we get to show up for ourselves and break the habits because that truly is how we take care and love ourselves.

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To feel like everything we give isn’t enough is so exhausting. It can make us feel like all that we’re doing is for nothing, and why are we even fighting so hard when we’ll never be able to persevere? It is a dark and numb place to sit in, I’ve sat there many times before.

I’ve been in relationships where I felt I had to absolutely bend over backwards just to be okay, and still it ended up failing. I felt so empty and my heart felt heavy for a long time after, what did I do wrong? I tried so hard but it amounted to nothing. Even now as I pursue my degree, I’m struggling to try and put one foot in front of the other. I feel like everything I want to achieve, and thing I have to achieve, are these giant pillars. I’m punching and pushing with all my strength, but they won’t even budge. What else can we do when nothing works?

It is not your fault that your wife committed adultery, it is unjust and unfair, but says nothing about you and who you are. The sting of someone breaking your heart can make you feel drained of your personhood. When leaving a relationship, it can feel like we’re leaving a part of ourself behind and we have to build ourselves up slowly.

Just because you don’t have 50/50 custody doesn’t meant that you’re not a wonderful father and loved dearly by your kids. Just because the court system is flawed and dealt you a bad hand, this doesn’t mean that it’s over. Think about being in a long distance relationship, just because you don’t see the person as often as you wish doesn’t mean that you love them any less. Same with your kids, the little time you get to see them is a blessing and changes nothing about your love for each other.

When the depression sinks in, know that you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. You have wonderful kids who are so lucky to have such an amazing father in their life. They may not know now, but one day they will see how hard you fought for them and be so grateful that you’re their dad.

You are a valuable person, so beyond valuable to your kids. I know how hard thing seem right now, but there is hope and there is joy to be found. Stay strong my friend <3

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When life seems to treat you so unfairly, it feels so defeating and aggravating. We know we didn’t do anything to deserve what happened to us, yet we are suffering nonetheless. What else is there to do but throw up your hands and scream at the world? We can’t escape the unfair situation we’ve been put in and it feels like we’re trapped in a desperate corner, left to fend for ourselves against the world. It’s almost like our life and the world around us has become our enemy, out to get us and choke the hope from our lungs.

I’ve definitely felt crippled by life before. Things have come into my life that I never asked for, never expected, and wished would never happen to me. But lo and behold, life happened. And it hurt for a while, and still does. I don’t know why it happened to me and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the answer for why. Part of me feels like I should just stop fighting anymore because what’s the point? Why does it matter if life can just screw me over again on the “other side” of this? Why go on?

Dang, that can be such a devastating spiral. I still fall into it so often and it’s so easy to return to that crippling defeat. But I want to share something with you that has helped me tremendously when that defeat threatens to overwhelm me. Sometimes I think the point of our suffering is not to find out WHY we’re suffering, but to learn to trust in the midst of it. When suffering seems unfair and unexplainable, that can be the hardest to deal with, right? Because we have no answers, no explanations that give us peace of mind. In those moments we can’t explain away the despair. But what if that’s part of it? What if that’s part of the lesson?

I know that is not what I’ve wanted to accept in those moments, and you don’t have to just be okay with your pain and sit in it. But I want you to know that life is not out to get you. Things happen to us, often we have no clue why, and it is so hard. Life has been hard on you, and your pain is valid and understandable. But you are also not defined by what has happened to you. You are not defined by what others say about you. You are valuable and loved just as you are. Maybe the lesson in this pain doesn’t seem so clear right now, and maybe it never will. In a way, maybe that’s okay for now. Maybe learning to lean on others, to reach out when you’re hurting, and to be a light even when the world tries to smoke you out, maybe there is hope in that.

Thank you so much for being open and for sharing what you’re going through. I see you, my friend, and I am struggling through my own stuff right here beside you. You are so loved, and thank you for being here.

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Thanks for reaching out and sharing this heartbreaking experience. I know how gut-wrenching it is to feel the person you love and trust betray you. And to then feel like you have to fight for your relationship with your children only adds to the crippling feelings. And yeah, when I have felt like that, it saps your strength and you’re right, just getting out of bed some days is a win.

I can see, though, that you understand that you need to be kind to yourself and not punish yourself when you struggle to get out of bed. Being able to see that is huge in itself.

I also see too that you love your kids, and you believe they are worth fighting for and I want to encourage you to keep doing that, I know that when I’ve felt flat my daughter has been the sunshine that gives me the strength to keep going.

I want you to keep focussing on the good that you have in them and making sure that you give them the best that you possibly can because that’s all any of us can do as a parent. I can see that in you and I believe that those kids are better off with you in their life.

Keep reaching out and seeking help. I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to do this alone.