Heartsupport this is basically me except the idea

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Save Me by Jelly Roll
@heartsupport This is basically me, except the idea that anyone would want a relationship with me is unimaginable

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Thank you for sharing this here, friend. It’s really intimidating when we feel this contradiction within of wanting to be saved but also not seeing any value in ourselves. It’s like having two opposite energies fighting inside of you for different needs and contradicting each other constantly. It takes a lot of strength to open up about this kind of pattern and allow yourself to be vulnerable about this subject, especially with others like us here. Rest assured that your experience is highly valued and respected. I’m so very thankful that you chose to talk about it.

It’s awfully hard to feel like a part of you really needs and seeks safe connections with others in order to heal/feel better. While at the same time feeling this other part of you that keeps on convincing you that you are not worth it anyway. That no one should devote any of their time, energy or attention for you as it would otherwise be wasted. I’m sure that deep inside you know it isn’t true, but definitely understand how much what we know rationally as being true doesn’t necessarily reflect the way we feel inside. Sometimes there’s narratives inside of us that we’ve been used to carrying with us for so long that it’s hard to see how to unlearn them.

Personally, I have a hard time seeing the point of people spending time on me as well. It manifests in so many ways, sometimes ways that I find awfully silly. If someone has genuine interest in knowing me, who I am or what I do, I just don’t get it and would rather spend time learning to know them instead. Somehow, it feels unsafe and scary to have someone willing to really know you while you feel like everything you are needs to remain hidden. That who you are is shameful, unworthy, insignificant at best. It’s hard because you want and aspire to be seen, yet at the same time it feels like the privilege of developing loving and safe connections with others is not yours. That you would be doomed to never find your people because the temptation to hide what feels shameful is too high.

If anything, by sharing here today and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you are giving yourself and others a chance to see you as you are. Without filter, without mask, just you and your honest experience. And you know what? None of what you have shared or would share will ever make you unworthy of others’ time and attention here. I’m personally thankful for spending this time replying to you, and for the possibility to learn about you through your comment. It might not seem like a big thing, but it really means a lot on my end, as I understand how isolating these thoughts can be. By commenting here, you’ve been showing these thoughts that they are wrong, and it is through the repetition of these positive experiences that you might learn to detach yourself from this belief that no one could ever want a relationship with you.

My friend, you are a unique human being in this world, and this world is going to be so much better knowing you, seeing you unfold your wings and let this spark of life inside of you shine through. There is a lot of beauty in you, and the people you’ll allow to let in and will be safe to you will be very lucky!

May you keep on growing and showing to this world how much life you have to share. Don’t let these false beliefs take the best of you. There is so much more to live beyond it.

Hold Fast,

@@HeartSupport I really appreciate the response. I’m going to have to find someone who can work with me in person working with my own personal issues though. Taylor seems great but I’m not in NYC