Hell broke loose again

So I was just told about all the sick things my ex did that I never knew about. It’s been 2 months since she cheated in front of me before our wedding. I just had a panic attack after I was told about it. Apparently our whole relationship was casual to her and she had sex with a lot of people while she was with me. I’m feeling the same destruction I felt that one night in Toronto and I don’t know what to do, what to think.

To think that the whole relationship was a lie…it just destroys my heart. I gave her everything. Why would you even ask someone to get married if you thought it was casual? Why torture someone so much?

My dream was to start a family someday. Work my ass off for a house. Have kids. I feel so betrayed. So defiled. I haven’t stopped crying at my desk at work for hours. I am glad I did not get to marry such a monster but a the same time I am so hurt and desolated. I don’t know what to do, this feels like I am in hell and it only goes deeper.

I’m torn between not wanting to trust anyone ever again but knowing if I want to have a family I’ll have to trust. Not like I’ll get the chance anyway I guess. All I know is how to be tricked into thinking someone loved me when all of my ex’s have always cheated and abandoned me. I am so afraid I will never get out of here and this will scar me for life :frowning:

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I’m sorry you are going through this. I can’t cheer you up because it won’t take your problems away. I’m glad you share this.

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It is a terrible experience to go through being betrayed. This world has been messed up a long time. It has become acceptable to manipulate, decieve, mislead & mistreat. It is time people start standing up and pointing at the world and say “No! It isn’t right to be a fake or hypocrite. Honesty is the twin to Truth. I am going to be honest even if I am the only real one on the planet.”

I don’t believe a lot of people purposely are dishonest. I think they are mislead to believe that it is the only way to survive on this world in these societies. It isn’t and even if it was there is plenty of land out there to build a community to make it not so.

Casual my butt. If there was really any question and it being thought that it was actually casual was a thing she would have told you to your face about who she slept with. I dare say she would have asked for your permission even before she lay with someone else even if it was a woman and not a guy. This is just the normalacy of a chester trying to justify their cheating on the cheated.

People into open relationships should only hook up with others out into same believers. They shouldn’t lie if they can’t keep from cheating. Promising or hiding something this intimate from a person you’re suppose to care about is immoral & evil to the core. Shame on her trying to play it off as casual.

I am sorry that you keep getting hurt. I think it might be best if you avoid speaking about her or having anything to do with her no matter if you still love her or not.

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Hi Mandro,
Just offering up some thoughts of solidarity. I have had something similar happen to me in college but not quite on that scale. So I can only imagine how tough this must be. In my case she just did not want to get married but I was crushed (the cheating and infidelity would have made it a lot worse). Bottom line…I spent a lot of years in a spiral because of that…back in early 90s before meds and when no one went to see a counselor. Thank god in my 30s I found both. Hang in there !

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Thanks for the words guys!