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Helpless Please Help

okay well who treated you bad?

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my parents, and people I’ve worked with, dated. I had an abusive mother, an alcoholic father, they divorced, and my mother married a guy who didn’t want her children. I felt tormented every single day of my life. I remember, just wanting them to stop … just stop harassing me about … me … they couldn’t find anything even remotely nice to say to me, if they talked to me at all. When they got stressed, about anything, they got physically violent.
I am one millions of people, who come out of their parents home, in survival mode. Knowing only the pain and hurt of a constant assault on … me … it was personal, because they made it personal, and I believed them … or if not 'believed, I accepted as true, the version of “me”, that people who could only look at me with disgust, gave me. I thought myself disgusting.
That was on my mother’s side. :slight_smile:
I came from a distorted and deeply disturbed place, like simmering in some toxic soup too long. What I believe now, was that some of the hurt and pain of the time, was knowing I wasn’t the person they said I was, I was hurt because no one could “see” me. I felt like there was someone different inside than what people saw on the outside, I just didn’t know what to do about it, I believed that " I " was defined, but how other people viewed me. If they liked, didn’t like… and on and on. I conformed to what those around me wanted me to be, and lost all touch with … me. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted, or didn’t want because I’d lost so much of myself. What mattered was keeping everyone happy around me, which was how I defined my happiness. I did not even consider my own happiness, because ‘my’ happiness was not worth considering.
I didn’t believe myself worthwhile, and I surrounded myself with people who felt the same about themselves. The hurt and pain became much more than I could cope with, so much so, that I started to isolate, disassociate, and avoid my life entirely with disassociation.
My healing as been a painful and ongoing process. I’ve tried not to have expectations, expectations of people have been a trigger for me, but I have tried to follow ‘my heart’ so to speak, which has brought me in this direction, sharing the deep connection we feel for one another because of the shared experience of being deeply hurt.
My therapy is to re-connect with people, people who can understand the trauma and pain that I’ve experienced in a loving and compassionate way. From the love of others, I’ve learned I needed to get in touch with the person I was meant to be, and to practice expressions of Self Love, so that I could come to fully realize the healing nature of being loved and cared for, first by me, then by others.

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okay I understand but its stupid how like discord owners don;t want to do anything agains a hacker

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I’m feeling to hurt again, can someone help me please?

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Hey friend. It’s good that you decide to reach out. Are you safe right now? Away from anything potentially harmful?

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Well I mean yes and no.I could stab my eye out with a pen but nothing overly dangerous

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Well, let’s agree to stay away from pens at the moment. :slight_smile:

Would you like to reach out to a crisis line? There might be a little bit of time to wait before you can talk to someone, but in the meantime it’s totally okay to be here and discuss. If you feel an urge to hurt yourself, it’s okay to use those lines.

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it dont help, thanks and sorry but been busy

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ugh got my heart broken again .A friend romantically rejected me, many of whose left has betrayed me

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so can someone help me?REally hurt

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I’m tired of running, tired of fighting for my friendships,life, love

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Hey @Vader,

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your friend. Would you like to talk about it?

It’s incredibly hard to feel like everyone give up on you, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. We see you here. :heart:

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My family or some other authority force me to stay away from friends, or blackmail me so my friends mostly leave my side. @Micro thanks for caring,

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That and I’m bullied about cross dressing

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That sounds awful. I’m so sorry your family is interfering in your relationships with your friends. :frowning:

Did you ever have the possibility to discuss with them about it? Do you know why they do that?

You don’t deserve to be bullied either. You should have the right to dress as you want, and certainly not to be shamed for it. It’s what you like, it’s part of you, and you’re beautiful as you are. :heart:

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Nope, well dad thinks that I’m listening to propaganda which is why I don’t see eye to eye with him.He thinks that I’m sexting or whatever

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Could someone please respond,I’m feeling like I need to harm myself, or someone else

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Hey @Vader, are you safe right now?

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Well kind of, still have a pen, in global class

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I hate myself and wish to die, nothing’s new. Fear for a friend fills my evil heart @Micro could someone please help me

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