This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Happy? by Mudvayne
Her breakdown of this awesome song hits me hard. I have spent my life letting others take from me and trying to be who they want me to be. I am not true to myself and it hurts.
Oh, my friend. This is such a heartbreaking place to be in. Feeling like you are present in this world but you can’t show your true self somehow. That you had to give up and authenticity in order to be accepted, loved and seen in this world. But the version of you that others see is not your true self, is not who you feel you are deep inside… So you see and feel this huge distance between what others see of you and the way you actually feel every day. You wish to start showing who you really are, but then others are used to see you differently, so there is a risk to feel even more abandoned and alone. Change feels scary and intimidating when you feel stuck under a mask that isn’t yours yet allows you to function and navigate in this world.
There is no doubt that it hurts to be in this position, and that somehow being aware of it adds even more pain to your heart. As human beings, there is nothing more beautiful and comforting but to feel really SEEN for who we are, without needing to hide anything. It offers this validation that you are enough as you are, that you belong and that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it’s about the person you are. At the opposite, having to wear a mask gives this subtle narrative that you have to hide parts of you, that you would have to be ashamed of being you. It makes me thing of these games for children - where you would try to place a cube shape into a circle, realizing that it doesn’t work even if you use all of your strength. It’s disheartening, but you keep on trying because using the right shape feels wrong and unknown.
There is something truly intimidating about learning to show our authentic selves to the world, especially when we’ve been so used to please others and be what they want us to be. For what it’s worth, as someone struggling with social and performance anxiety, what you describe has always been a part of my life, and learning to expose more of my own vulnerability is a slow, learning process. It’s hard when there’s constant doubts in your mind that pressure you to be more focused on how other might perceive you and what they need of you, rather than what truly resonates with your heart.
Sending much hugs and strength your way as you navigate this. On a positive note: you are aware of this pattern. You are not simply living it, you also have perspective over it, and that alone is a real strength to cultivate and nurture. It is thanks to this awareness that you might encourage yourself to increment small changes into your life that would allow you to get closer to the person you want to be when you are interacting with others. Being a certain way, wearing a mask, might have been a way to protect yourself and respond to needs you had previously. Now you are aware of how it works and how much you’d like to free yourself from it. There is HOPE with this awareness, my friend. Hope for change to be possible, for embracing new pathways and learning new ways to be in relation with others. I wholeheartedly believe in you. 