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Here we go again

Well…here I am again. I’m sitting here typing this out to post and I’m kind of at a loss for words. Things have been so much more intense lately. I’ve noticed I’ve been a lot more on edge. Not necessarily paranoid, but not chill and mundane either. I’ve noticed that I get really anxious and/or scared easier. I had a panic attack over the smallest thing the other night. I’ve been feeling those raw emotions that everyone talks about much harder than before. Last night I was thinking about self-harm and how to disappear. I was thinking that it would be the best solution. Nobody wants me here. The people close to me don’t listen to me. I’m done wasting my breath. I’m done trying. I’m done trying to help them see the world through my eyes. I’m getting really tired. Really tired of fighting. It seems like a never ending battle and I’m on the losing side everyday. I don’t feel like anything good can come of this to be completely honest. Frankly I’m losing sight of my purpose.

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Hey @SarahTheProud. I just read your post. i’m so sorry that you are feeling the way you are. how long has this been going on? what thing are making you scared and anxious?
i’m writing to you from the other side of the world.

well. let me tell you one thing. No human in this world are a waste. And especially not you! no… you are not wasting your breathe. you are wanted here. people want you here, and i know i can bee so hard to see. a few years ago i thought that self ham and disappearing was the only way out but it’s really not. and the fact that you are reaching out here is such a big step for you. i did self harm a few years ago. i tried to take my own life and i thought that nobody could see me and see thorugh my eyes but i discovered that i was my head and emotions messing with me. i did not know how to controll it and how to react when i hit. i’m also dealing with anxiety and i can really understand what you are writing about. because i’ve been there before. now! what would make me really happy would be getting a reply from you so i know that you are okay and still here. - Thousand hearts, Jonas.

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Well, my situation has been the same for about 5 years, but got worse this past year with other things that came that. With how I’m treated in either of my houses I’m sometimes scared. My dad will scream at me for no reason and my mom will flip on a dime. It’s all really hard because I feel like I can’t go to them when I feel this way. They don’t believe me anyway when I try. I’ve tried many times in the past. I just feel like if nobody’s gonna listen then why stick around ya know? If I’m not cared about by the ones who said they would always protect and care for me then what’s the point? I’m sorry if this is a lot. It probably is. I just don’t have anywhere else to go.

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Hey I think you’re in an abusive household and those are some of the hardest situations to be in. But something I found out for myself was: no stranger will treat you as bad as them and most of us, especially ones that have been through similar, will treat you better.

There is always a light at the end of that tunnel because your family can’t hold you forever. And someday you will get to be free and live your best life in spite of them.

I need to sleep now but please message me tomorrow morning if you wanna talk more and I can find some resources for you. I just wanna let you know you’re not alone and as someone that survived a similar hell, I wanna help ease your burden

Hold fast,
Walrus

SarahTheProud,

I can’t think of anything to say other than - thank you for being brave enough to post this time, and any other times.

I’d argue that it sounds like your parents are neglectful if nothing else, abusive, perhaps, but neglectful certainly. They should be there to listen and provide support when you need them, ideally. I wish we could provide more for you to support your needs.

Please keep us posted,

DrDyaus

I’ve been through the same with my parents. Are your parents divorced?

Being a child of separated parrents can be so hard and if you can’t go to any of them, that makes it even harder. It’s such a big step that you are telling this, cause it can eat you up! Are you from the US? Do they have any program that helps young people in your situation? Always look up Sarah. You are here for a reason! I believe that you have to go through this to gain strength later in life. You matter Sarah. You will always have a friend in me!

@SarahTheProud I just forgot to tag you.

@jonasblarsen95 yes my parents are divorced. They have been separated for 10 years, but only got the papers signed 6 years ago. Yes, I’m from the US and I don’t know if there are any local programs. I would have to look into it. Thank you for believing in me. I appreciate it.

Thank you, @DrDyaus, for responding. My dad is mentally/emotionally abusive to me you got that part right. Since I barely see my mom, and our living situation with her isn’t great, she does her best to let us relax after a long school week. I say we and us because I have an older brother. You’re right. Parents should be there to listen. Neither of my parents have shown that they are willing to truly listen. And that scares me. Thank you again for responding. I appreciate it.

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@GreatWalrus, you’d be right about me being in an abusive household. My dad is a mental/emotional abuser and the way he does it he’s done it all my life. He’ll get 5 inches from my face and scream at me. Instilling fear. When I start to let some tears loose our of fear he screams more. He always says that he’s not being scary since he’s not trying to be. Then after it’s all said and done he’ll hug me and say that he loves me. It send mixed messages and I don’t know how much to trust him any more because of that and other factors.

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