Hi everyone its me again
I dont know yet what is this going to be but I think its going to be me processing my thoughts and stuff so if that does not sound interesting to you feel free to jump to another topic. its ok really .
So recently I have been feeling kind of strange. I had not been feeling really depressed for like… Two weeks now. Which is good and i think its because of the higher dosage of antidepressants. But it had made me feel strange. First its making all the side effects of the antidepressant stronger. More dreaming, and distorted vision are the most prominent ones I have been experiencing. The other thing is that it does not make my anhedonia go away… but I dont feel depressed either… so I am just there. Lying on a couch not feeling nor good or bad. Disinterested but not in discomfort. Its strange to say the least. It kind of feels empty.
A lot of the time it feels like there is an ivisible wall between me and the things I am supposed to enjoy. Sometimes I get urges to hurt myself but that is mostly caused by dissociation and the need to feel something. I have not done it though and I dont think i will in the near future. I have control over those. Its hard for me to enjoy things. i try to find new imputs but not many things are working. Also I can still “feel” the depression. Its there back in my mind and it is knocking on the door. its just that kind of knocking that reminds you of its existence and that ist not gone its just behind a door for now.
Btw I have recently been diagnosed with Bruxism. Never heard of it? Me neither. What is it? We I am grinding my teath when i sleep and that damages them so i have to wear a protection when i sleep. Its nothing serious I think its just annoying. if it werent for my brother i wound not have discovered it. It is a bit creepy tho because I dont know about it and i have seen videos of people with it and its so creepy. I will share one.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_-cyuTjjUo&ab_channel=JocelynCline
So yeah that has been life recently. Thank you all for reading.